


...Why are you holding lube?

by Bobcatmama (orphan_account), orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: ALL THE FLUFF, Amazing, Angst, Angst with like...a smidge of fluff, Butt Plugs, Dildos, Fluff, Fluff and Angst?, Fluff and Smut, Fun, Geese, Hannah Hindi - Freeform, Hilly Hindi - Freeform, Hot, Humor, I HAVE NO SOUL BUAHAHAH, I WILL NOT HAVE A FIC WITHOUT ANGST, I think we're good, I will win, Implied Sexual Content, JUST, Language, Lube, M/M, Major Character Undeath, OH YEAH?, Poetry, SO MUCH FLUFF, Satan Sherlock, Shit, Soo, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Touching, We have no life, What is love, Yes angst, also, and jesus i just love it, and puppies?, and then it's just angsty sadness, angsty fluff, at least ten, be warned, but - Freeform, but then again, don't read if you want to keep any innocence what so ever, eternal bassset puppie Scott, guest star!, hahaha, have fun disciphering this shit, help us, hillywood, homework fanfic is going to eternally be in this, homework fanfiction, honestly it's all dialouge, how many kinks, i also have no empathy, i do not apologize, i identify as cat, i just, i love it though, i think the tags are a chapter all on their own we should stop now, it makes no sense what so ever, it's great, it's just dialogue but it's got mentions of all that, it's pretty great, it's really long, it's really sexual, it's still dialogue in that chapter probably no descriptive smut, its great, kinky turtles?, mostly angst, multiple writing styles???, no regrets, oma challenge, pathetic, possible angst, read it, semi-cannon?, shercock, so cute, some cannon at the beginning of chapter 23, thank you, thank you friend, that was fun, the gay god chapter is up, the rating changed because holy shit so many kinks, there will be angst, theres gonna be angst, this is basically just conversations, this makes sense i swear, this was a rpg that got out of hand, we are pathetic, we enjoy this, we laughed, we love you all, what is lyfe, woooo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-30
Updated: 2017-01-19
Packaged: 2018-08-12 02:17:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 45
Words: 20,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7916551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Bobcatmama, https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>I am so sorry for the shit storm that is this thing. It's only like half fanfic and half random shit we decided would be fun to put in. So... read at your own risk, I suppose. </p><p>Includes(but is not limited to): <em>very<em> kinky smut mentions(usually dialogue); war plans; original stories(somewhat); and then lots of Johnlock. There's also angst to the extreme. Woop.</em></em></p>
          </blockquote>





	1. ...Why are you holding lube?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for the shit storm that is this thing. It's only like half fanfic and half random shit we decided would be fun to put in. So... read at your own risk, I suppose. 
> 
> Includes(but is not limited to): _very _kinky smut mentions(usually dialogue); war plans; original stories(somewhat); and then lots of Johnlock. There's also angst to the extreme. Woop.__

_**... Why are you holding lube?** _

****

"John Hamish Watson."

 

 

 

 

"Yes"   


 

 

 

"You have been there for me, in sickness and in health."   


 

 

 

 

"... yes..."   


 

 

 

 

"And you have been there for me   


 

When I was jumping off a building"   


 

 

 

 

"... i'm still annoyed about that"   


 

 

 

 

"But you have not been where I want you today"   


 

 

 

 

"...   


 

why do you have lube"   


 

 

 

 

"I meant MARRY ME"   


 

 

 

 

"oh"   


 

 

 

"YOU IMBECILE"

 

 

 

 

"THE DIRECTION THAT WAS GOING WAS THERE, SHERLOCK"   


 

 

 

 

"NO IT WASN'T, JOHN"   


 

 

 

 

"But you have not been where I want you today IMPLIES BED IMPLIES SEX"   


 

 

 

 

"I WAS TRYING TO BE ROMANTIC"   


 

 

 

 

"YOU MANAGED"   


 

 

 

 

"DAMN IT! JOHN WATSON WILL YOU MARRY ME!?"   


 

 

 

 

"I mean   


 

...   


 

yes?"   


 

 

 

 

"Good. Good. Now get in the bed"   


 

 

 

 

"NO DILDOS PUT THAT BACK"   


 

 

 

 

"JOHN"   


 

 

 

 

"NO"   


 

 

 

 

"YES"   


 

 

 

 

"PUT THE WHIP DOWN"   


 

 

 

 

"NEVER"   


 

 

 

 

"DAMMIT SHERLOCK WHY DO YOU EVEN OWN FOUR DILDOS"   


 

 

 

 

"I GET BORED"   


 

 

 

 

"CHRIST, SHERLOCK"   


 

 

 

 

"DON'T JUDGE ME   


 

I DO WHAT I WANT"   


 

 

 

 

"THE WHIP, SHERLOCK, THE WHIP, WHY"   


 

 

 

 

"WOULD YOU PREFER THE FLOGGER?"   


 

 

 

 

"EXPLAIN THE PINK BODY PAINT"   


 

 

 

 

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT"   


 

 

 

 

"WHAT DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO DO HANDCUFFED TO THIS BLOODY BED OF YOURS"   


 

 

 

 

"I SAID DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, JOHN"   


 

 

 

 

"PUT THAT PAINTBRUSH DOWN"   


 

 

 

 

"NO!!!!"   


 

 

 

 

"DAMMIT, SHERLOCK, THAT'S COLD!"   


 

 

 

 

"GOOD! ITS SUPPOSED TO BE"   


 

 

 

 

"AHHHHhhhh"   


 

 

 

 

"AHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA"   


 

 

 

 

"SHERLOCK, THAT'S HUGE"   


 

 

 

 

"GOOD"   


 

 

 

 

"aaaAAH"   


 


	2. Do I Have To Hide The Lube?

"HOLMES"

"Watson"

"GET. THE. HEAD. OUT. OF. THE. CUPBOARD"

"NEVER"

"DAMMIT, HOLMES"

"WATSON THIS IS /MY/ FLAT. I DO WHAT I WANT"

"I LIVE IN THIS FLAT WITH YOU I AM IN CHARGE OF CLEANING BECAUSE YOU SEEM TO HAVE NO REGARD FOR IT"

"CLEANING IS BORING"

"IT WILL MESS UP YOUR EXPERIMENTS IF YOU DON'T CLEAN"

"THEN CLEAN FOR ME"

"I'M NOT MS. HUDSON"

"MS. HUDSON IS NOT MY HOUSE MAID"

"SHE CLEANS DOESN'T SHE? EVEN IF SHE INSISTS SHE IS NOT OUR MAID SHE CLEANS ANYWAY"

"BECAUSE SHE IS KIND THAT WAY. UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE"

"ANDERSON SHALL NOT BE PULLED INTO THIS"

"I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT ANDERSON. EVEN THE MENTION OF HIM LOWERS THE IQ"

"ANDERSON ANDERSON ANDERSON. CLEAN UP THE HEAD"

"YOU CANT MAKE ME, JOHN"

"I BLOODY WELL CAN IF I HIDE THE LUBE"

"YOU. WOULDN'T. DARE."

"I WOULD. GET RID OF THE HEAD"

"NO"

"I WILL HIDE THE DILDOS AS WELL"

"YOU'RE NOT THAT MUCH OF A DICK"

 

"TRY ME, ASSHAT"

"I THINK I WILL"

"DO I NEED TO HIDE THE MICROSCOPE?"

"YOU WON'T. YOU LOVE ME"

"THERE'S A MICROSCOPE AT THE MORGUE USE THAT" 

"I THINK MAYBE I WILL. MAYBE I'LL JUST LIVE THERE"

"MOLLY WOULD KICK YOU OUT PROMPTLY. YOU KNOW THAT"

"NO SHE WOULDN'T"

"REMEMBER LAST TIME YOU TRIED TO DO THAT?. SHE DRUGGED YOU AND DUMPED YOU IN THE TRASH CAN"

"SHE WAS HAVING A BAD TIME THAT DAY"

"SHE'S ALWAYS HAVING A BAD DAY WHEN YOU SHOW UP YOU KNOW THAT"

"OH WHATEVER"

"GOING TO SULK ON YOUR COUCH? TAKE THE BLOODY HEAD WITH YOU"

"I HAVE MY SKULL. I DON'T NEED YOU"

"GREAT. DOES IT HAVE A DICK?. NO"

"SO WHAT?. ITS GOT A MOUTH"

"...WOW"

"JOHN, YOU SHOULD KNOW BY NOW THAT YOU WILL NEVER WIN"

"OH DON'T I? BED. NOW"

"GLADLY"


	3. I hid the Dildos

"I WILL THROW YOU OFF A BUILDING MYSELF"

"MAYBE ILL JUST THROW MYSELF OFF A BUILDING THEN!"

"AGAIN? OLD DOGS CAN'T LEARN NEW TRICKS I SEE"

"GOD DAMN IT, WATSON. I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU MAKE ONE MORE ASSUMPTION ABOUT DOGS AND THEIR TRICKS, I WILL THROW YOU FROM A BUILDING."

"WILL YOU NOW"

"I WILL."

"ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT? I HID EVERYTHING. AND I HAVE A KEY. SO HAVE FUN WITH THAT"

"I'M BLOODY POSITIVE I WILL. YOU CAN'T HIDE ANYTHING FROM WILLIAM SHERLOCK HOLMES SCOTT!"

"THEN WHERE ARE THE DILDOS"

"WHY DOES IT ALWAYS COME BACK TO THIS?"

"BECAUSE THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS"

"BUT WHY THE DILDOS?"

"WOULD YOU PREFER THE LUBE"

"WHY ARE YOU NOT IN BED, JOHN HAMISH WATSON?"

"BECAUSE I HID THE LUBE"

"WE DON'T NEED LUBE"

"SHERLOCK, PUT THE BUNNY EARS AWAY"

"NEVER. THIS IS FOR ME"

"THE BUTT PLUG...WHY?"

"BECAUSE I FUCKING CAN"

"WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THAT?"

"IT WAS A TROUBLING TIME"

"DARE I ASK ABOUT THE VIBRATOR?"

"YOU DARE NOT"

"GREAT"

"GOOD TO KNOW"

"THANK YOU"

"YEAH....SO WHY DO YOU HAVE A BIB?" 

"THAT IS...A GOOD QUESTION"

"SO ANSWER IT"

"I DON'T KNOW'

"GREAT"

"I FOUND IT IN YOUR BLOODY ROOM, JOHN"

"UM...BEGS THE QUESTION, WHY WERE YOU IN MY ROOM?"

"I WAS LOOKING FOR MY PHONE"

"WHY WOULD IT BE IN MY ROOM?"

"YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW"

"DID YOU LEAVE IT THERE WHEN YOU WERE WANKING AND THEN FLED BECAUSE I CAME HOME?"

"...I REFUSE TO ANSWER ANYMORE QUESTIONS"

"HA! I WAS RIGHT! AND YOU DIDN'T CLEAN UP AFTER YOURSELF IT WAS DAMP"

"I SAID I REFUSE TO ANSWER ANYMORE QUESTIONS, JOHN"

"GREAT...NO, PUT THAT DOWN"

"FUCKIN' MAKE ME"


	4. Daddy Mycroft Came Home Early

SHERLOCK   
JOHN HIT ME

BECAUSE YOU WERE NEGLECTING SHERLOCK

*criez 7ever BC senpai and sempai are being mean to smol Sherlock*

OMG HE TURNED HIMSELF INTO A CHILD AGAIN  
YOUR THE MOM JOHN

WHY AM I THE MOM

BECAUSE I'M THE MAN OF THE RELATIONSHIP

I AM OFFENDED THAT YOU THINK THAT  
I WAS A DOCTOR IN THE WAR

CORRECTION 

I AM MANLIER THAN YOU COULD EVER HOPE TO BE

MAMA JOHN, MYCROFT IS MEAN! *HOLDS UP ARMS*

YOU WERE A NURSE  
A SEXY ONE

I WAS A DOCTOR  
A BADASS ONE  
NO SEXY NURSE

oh is widdle Sherlock sad?  
i'm sorry  
Mycroft is a bad daddy

AND I ALWAYS TOP

I BEG YOUR PARDON

*HUGS MAMA JOHN* PAPA MYCROFT IS A MEANIE

*LE GASP. GOES TO CRY ON THE COUCH  
i have failed in life

bad daddy. Mama John is a good mommy

Good Sherlock. Mama John is proud.

*le gasp* yaaaaaay

I'm just gonna cry in my corner

Have fun

nooooooooooo...Papa-Brother Mycroft

MYCROFT OUR CHILD IS CRYING GET YOUR SORRY ASS OVER HERE AND COMFORT HIM

cheese

PAPA MYCWOOOOOOOOOOOFT

MYCROFT  
YOU HAVE A CHILD TO TAKE CARE OF

PAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

yes sweetheart  
what is it

want papa

me?

YEAH  
fuck  
yeah

and why-wait  
DID YOU SAY FUCK  
WE DO NOT SAY WORDS LIKE THAT

YOUNG MAN WERE DID YOU LEARN THAT WORD  
THAT IS A NO NO WORD

But mama John says it

I DO NOT

OMG JOHN  
WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING OUR CHILD

I DIDN'T TEACH HIM ANYTHING AND WHEN DID I SAY THAT  
SHERLOCK WHEN DID I SAY THAT

LAST NIGHT

WHEN

WHEN YOU AND PAPA MYCWOFT WERE IN BED

MYCROFT  
I TOLD YOU  
WE NEEDED TO CLOSE THE DOOR

I THOUGHT I DID

The door was closed

We need thicker walls in this house

yes. or a babysitter  
and possibly locks on the door  
you know what  
lets just go to a LH next time

fair

Mama John, why did you say the fuck word?

because Daddy Mycroft came home too early

I DID NOT

But isn't that a good thing, Mama John?

some days, but i was planning a surprise  
so he spoiled it

Oh...FUCK

SHERLOCK NO THAT IS A NO NO WORD

SHERLOCK DON'T SAY THAT

Fine  
SHIT

better than the fuck word but NO SHERLOCK NO NAUGHTY WORDS

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

SHERLOCK

NO COOKIES BEFORE BED IF YOU SAY THAT WORD AGAIN

SHERCOCK

OR THAT

OMG WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT

I DID NOT SAY THAT WHY THE HERLL WOULD I SAY THAT

I HEAR-ED IT FROM ANDERSON

ANDERSON IS NOT A GOOD BOY  
WE DO NOT PLAY WITH ANDERSON, REMEMBER?

HE LOWERS THE IQ OF THE ENTIRE STREET, MAMA JOHN

I KNOW  
AND IF YOU PLAY WITH HIM YOU TRY TO HURT HIM

BUT I WONT ALLOW HIM TO LOWER YOURS

SO WE DON'T PLAY WITH HIM

STAY AWAY FROM HIM

SO YOU KNOW WHAT I DID MAMA JOHN?

 

WHAT DID YOU DO SHERLOCK  
AM I GOING TO BE PROUD OR UPSET?

WHAT DID YOU DO

I STABBED HIM IN THE NECK WITH A CRAYON

 

WHAT COLOUR OF CRAYON

OMG

BLACK LIKE MY SOUL

I LOVE THIS CHILD

GOOD CHOICE  
SUCH PROUD PARENTS

YOUR SUCH A GOOD BOY

HIS PAPA LESTRADE SAID I WAS MEAN

LESTRADE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT

CAN I STAB HIM WITH A CRAYON?

YES SON PLEASE STAB HIM

NO STAB LESTRADE WITH A KNIFE

YA THAT WORKS TO

A RUSTY KNIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!

GOOD BOY

YES

GUESS WHAT I HAVE

WHAT

A 9 MM SHOT GUN!

GOOD BOY  
GO SHOOT THE MORIARTY CREEP ACROSS THE STREET

NOW GO SHOOT THE NEIGHBORS

*RUNS SCREECHING TO THE NEIGHBORS*

MAKE SURE TO AIM

THAT'S OUR LITTLE DEVIL SPAWN

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

GOOD JOB

*MANY GUN SHOTS AND SCREECHING*

TRY FOR KILL SHOTS, NOT JUST MAIMING

*SCREAMING*

AIM FOR THE HEAD

AND THE LUNG CAVITIES

AND THE HEART

*SCREECHES AND RUNS BACK* I KILLED THEM ALL WITH MY WIZARD MAGIC

IF YOU HIT A KIDNEY I'LL GIVE YOU A MARSHMALLOW  
GOOD JOB

USE THE WITCHCRAFT

*SCREECHES AGAIN*

MYCROFT WHERE ARE THE MARSHMALLOWS

um.....

did you eat them all?

kinda

we're going to the store to buy precious little Sherlock some marshmallows

*DEEP MURDEROUS VOICE OF SATAN* YES!

OK LETS GO

you're driving MANLY MAN

FINE. TRY TO SHOOT THE STORE MANGER OK

HE IS A DICK

*SCREAMING*

GLAD YOU ADMIT IT JOHN

OI  
THERE IS A CHILD HERE  
CALM YOUR TITS  
BALLS

*MURDEROUS VOICE OF SATAN* LET US GO! WE SHALL RETURN BEFORE A FORTNIGHT

YES CHILD YOU LEARN WELL

YOU SEE JOHN  
THIS IS WHY OUR CHILD USES BAD WORDS  
LEARN TO BE QUIET

TITS AND BALLS ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE WORDS

*whispering* kinky

THAT IS NOT A GOOD WORD  
SHERLOCK

Shercock

kill Anderson

I ALREADY HAVE

GOOD

*SATAN VOICE* HORSES

JOHN DID YOU TEACH HIM THAT WORD TO  
OMG SHERLOCK WHY  
IT WAS ONE TIME

WE'RE THE BEST FAMILY  
MOST FUNCTIONING  
YES

WE SURE ARE

MURDEROUS CHILD  
KINKY PARENTS  
WOOP WOOP

KINKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOUD MOM

BOTTOM DAD

SHERLOCK NO

SHERLOCK YES

GOOD BOY IT'S SO TRUE

NOW BRING ME MY MARSHMALLOWS PEASANTS 

YOU DO NOT USE THAT TONE WITH ME YOUNG MAN  
PAPA IS FINE  
BUT NOT ME

PEASANT I AM SATAN! BRING ME MY SUGAR

YOU INGRATEFUL WOMAN

The term is "ungrateful"

good Sherlock

god damn it

FATHER GET IT RIGHT

*dammit

WHY DON'T YOU

is the word you're looking for Sherlock i thought you knew this

FATHER WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME

Dammit  
use that

DAMMIT!

good boy  
MARSHMALLOWS

HES NOT A DOG STOP TREATING HIM LIKE IT

WELL HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TREAT HIM  
LIKE YOU?  
ABANDONED?

FORGIVE ME FATHER FOR I HAVE SINNED

SHERLOCK WHAT HAVE YOU DONE

SILENCE WOMAN!

CHILD YOU ARE NOT HUMAN YOUR ALL SIN   
THERE'S NOTHING THAT CAN SAVE YOU NOW

I MEAN SAME

THE TERM YOU ARE LOOKING FOR IS "YOU'RE"

CORRECT SHERLOCK

I WILL CRASH THIS CAR I SWEAR

UNFORTUNATELY SHERLOCK IS SATAN SO THAT WON'T DO ANYTHING

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN

BUT MY FATHER IS SATAN

MYCROFT, I AM YOUR FATHER  
THIS IS NOT SHERLOCK

SO HE IS PARTIALLY SATAN AND THERE'S PLENTY OF INCEST IN THIS FAMILY SO THAT'S GREAT

I HAVE TAKEN HIS VESSEL

NO YOU HAVEN'T DAD THAT'S JUST SHERLOCK

GRANDPAPPY SATAN IS THE BEST

NO, SHERLOCK IS MUCH WORSE, YOU KNOW THIS. 

IF ANYTHING HE HAS TAKEN OVER YOUR POWERS  
TRUE  
HE IS HIS MOTHERS CHILD

LOOK INTO YOUR HEART MYCROFT YOU KNOW IT TO BE TRUE

WHAT A NICE CALM PEACEFUL AND FUNCTIONING FAMILY THAT HAS NO ASSOCIATION WITH THE DEVIL

NO, WE HAVE NO ASSOCIATION WITH GOD WHAT-SO-EVER. NO DEVIL HERE.

YUP  
VERY FUNCTIONAL

OF COURSE NOT  
PEACEFUL IS OUR MIDDLE NAME

ACTUALLY JOHN YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS HAMISH  
GET IT RIGHT WOMAN

I WILL KILL YOU YOU KNOW THAT IS NOT TO BE SPOKEN OF

*SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW*

THIS IS WHY HES SO VIOLENT

LIKE YOU'RE ANY BETTER

WHY MUST HE HAVE YOUR GENES   
I AM BETTER

NO YOU'RE NOT  
Mother, Father, forgive me...for I have something to tell you...

yes Sherlock?

what is it

I've been accepted to Hogwarts in the magical land of Narnia through the looking glass in the Shier

We support you

omg I'm so proud

Head Master Hussie will be by to pick me up in his Batmobile

write to us dearie

FUCK NO

WHAT HAVE WE SAID ABOUT THAT WORD  
also good usage

OH NO MY NONEXISTENT HEART

I WILL STAB YOU WITH A BLACK KNIFE TO MATCH YOUR BLACKENED DISGUSTING HEART

i would be hurt but it's true

THREE LITTLE WORDS  
YOU

WELL

REVOLT  
ME

TRIGGERS

WE ONLY SAY THAT TO ANNOYING REPORTERS REMEMBER

AREN'T YOU AN ANNOYING BLOGGER?

YES BUT I'M NOT A REPORTER GET IT RIGHT

SAME THING

NO REPORTERS ARE WORSE  
WE'VE GONE OVER THIS

WE TALKED ABOUT REPORTERS IN SCHOOL TODAY

OMG SHERLOCK LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER

THEYRE DISGUSTING SLIME

YES  
I'M DISGUSTING SNOT  
THERE'S A DIFFERENCE


	5. Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This actually isn't a fanfiction, just me and Bobcatmama flipping our shit because I met HILLY AND HANNAH HINDI AT COMIC CON OVER THE WEEKEND

** (BCM = Bobcatmama, this is legit how fangirls act towards each other) **

 

 

ME: r u ready 2 b jelly?

 

 

BCM: why

 

 

ME: so i went to comic con on Saturday right? look at my hat, then back to your screen.

 

 

BCM: amazing

 

 

ME: guess who i fucking met

 

FUCKING HILLY AND HANNAH HINDI IN THEIR FUCKING SHERLOCK WARDROBE   


 

I TALKED TO THE SWEET CHILDREN   


 

I DIED   


 

I TOUCHED THEM   


 

FUCK   


 

 

BCM: STOP MAKING ME JEALOUS

 

 

ME: IM DED

 

 

BCM: NUU AND HOLY SHIT YOU MET THEM IN SHERLOCK FORM 

 

 

ME: OH MY GOD I FUCKING DIED YOU HAVE NO IDEA

 

SOLANA IS GONNA FLIP HER SHIT WHEN I TELL HER   


 

 

BCM: I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA AND GOOD FOR HER

 

 

ME: IM FUCKING DED

 

I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN   


 

I CAN DIE HAPPY   


 

THIS HAT?   


 

THIS HAT WAS TOUCHED BY HILLY HANDS   


 

HELP   


 

DED   


 

  


AUUUUUUUGH

 

 

BCM: I'M PROUD OF YOU BECAUSE OMG THEY'RE AMAZING AND ADORABLE HOLY SHIT AND YOU'RE STILL DYING FROM SATURDAY WOW UNDERSTANDABLE BECAUSE HOLY SHIT

 

 

ME: IM DED HALP HILLY WAS SO SMOL AND ADORABLE AND SHE WAS SUCH A TEDDY BEAR AND OH MY GOD HELP ME

 

 

BCM: HAHA DID YOU GET HUGS

 

 

ME: NO I DIDNT BECAUSE I WAS SO SCARED. Like, I got up there and my friend had to talk for me at first then I was going to ask her for a hug but I got so fucking scared. #regrets

 

 

BCM: awwwwww sad but still you were close tO THEM OMFG LUCKY

 

 

 

 

ME: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH   


 

I COULDVE SEEN THEM LIVE BUT MY MOTHER MADE ME LEAVE AND I WAS LIKE "FUK U MEM"   


 

 

BCM: OMFG

 

O   


 

M   


 

F   


 

G   


 

THE DYING IS CONTAGIOUS   


 

 

ME: DED

 

SUCH DED   


 

ALL THE DED   


 

 

BCM: YES

 

  


 

 

 

 

ME: [](https://plus.google.com/u/0/photos/albums/p6se1nrp2kapmoc1cnhou14ih7oam3nj5?pid=6327232695537976322&oid=114842650441340552766)  


i couldve gone to that but nooooo my mother made me leave   


 

 

BCM: THEY'RE SO ADORABLE CHRIST

 

 

ME: I KNOW THEY'RE TINY TEDDY BEARS

 

 

BCM: THEY'RE JUST TINY LITTLE PEOPLE AND I LOVE THEM

 

 

ME: OH MY GOD SHE WAS JUST AN ADORABLE LITTLE TEDDY BEAR I COULDVE JUST PICKED HER UP AND RAN AWAY

 

 

BCM: WHY DIDN'T YOU WE NEED A HILLY 

 

 

ME: BECAUSE I WAS SCARED

 

BCM: TRUE

 

 

ME: I WAS LITERALLY SHAKING I WAS ALMOST CRYING AND I NEARLY THREW UP. IT WAS UNREAL

 

BCM: K THEN

 

OMG HILLY AND HANNAH ARE SO FUCKING ADORABLE   


 

 

ME: SERIOUSLY THOSE KAWAII LITTLE FUCKERS. IT WAS LIKE A DREAM I SWEAR

 

 

BCM: AHH YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR A PICTURE BECAUSE I KINDA WANT TO SEE HOW TINY THEY WERE AND AHHHHHHHH SO CUUUUTE only minorly dying y'know as you do

 

 

ME:AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I WANTED TO GET A PICTURE BUT AGAIN IT WAS LIKE I WAS DREAMING AND I COULDNT EVEN THINK STRAIGHT FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. THEY WERE MY LAST BOOTH AND I WAS LIKE, I WAS SO OUT OF IT

 

 

BCM: AHHHH  THEY'RE SO TIIIIIIIIIIIIIINY

 

 

ME: SO TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINY!!!!

 

 

BCM: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

 

ME: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

ME: K

 

IM STILL DEAD   


 

 

 

 

 

BCM: THE DEAD IS CONTAGIOUS   


 

 

 

 

ME: DEAD   


 

#DEAD   


 

#REGRETS   


 

 

BCM: #ALL THE DEAAAAAAAD

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for both my and Winchesterbyheart's fangirling. 
> 
> No I don't.  
> -BCM.


	6. Continuation of Intermission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the aftermath of the last chapter.
> 
> Just warning you.

JOHN  
JAWN  
HOHN  
HELP

SHERLOCK CALM DOWN  
WHAT AM I HELPING WITH

I NEED YOUR HELP HOHN  
JAWN  
JOHN

WITH WHAT

I NEED A RING TO PROPOSE TO MY WIFU

THEN GO BUY IT

WILL YOU COME WITH ME TO GO SEE IF THE STUDENT STORE HAS A CANDY RING?

YES

YAY THX  
LOVES

DID I MAKE A MISTAKE

WHAT?  
HOW

SO MANY MISTAKES

ALL OF THEM

YES

YES

YES

Y3S

YES

Y3S

YESH

Y3Z

YUP

AN ACTUAL PHOTO OF ME LOOKING AT HILLY HINDI

GREAT

HELLO HELLO MY ACE MAN MY MELLO

GREAT

I DED

yessh i can tell

DED  
MUCH DED

K THEN

K THEN

MOOP  
MILKY MOOPER (LOL FANFIC REFERENCES)

YEP

HOHN

HOW DRUNK ARE YOU SHERLOCK

ALL OF THE DRINKS  
IM CLUEING FOR LOOKS

GREAT  
GOOD JOB

SLURP  
NO DRINKING GAMES

SLUUUUUUUUUUUUURP  
SCRAW

WOW

SCRAW  
HILLY  
FUCKING  
HINDI

I KNOW  
YOU'VE TOLD ME AND SHOWN HOW FUCKING ADORABLE SHE IS

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH  
SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAM

*ETERNAL SCREAMING OF DAMNATION TO THE COMMONERS*

*SCREAMS UNTIL EARS EXPLODE IN AGONY AND THE DEVIL HIMSELF BEGS FOR MERCY*

*SPONTANIOUSLY COMBUSTS AND RUNS AROUND, SCREAMING IN FLAMES,*

*LIGHTS EVERYTHING ON FIRE AND SHRIEKS WHILE MELTING PEOPLE*

*SCREECHES AND GOES TO FIND HILLY WHILST CRYING FANGIRL TEARS OF ANGST*

*FOLLOWS TO STEAL HANNAH AND LIGHT EVERYTHING ELSE ON FIRE*

*STEALS HILLY SENPAI AND RUNS AWAY, SCREAMING INTO THE NIGHT*


	7. More than friends, Less than lovers.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaaand we're back! Woop woop! PREPARE FOR FLUFF HAHAHAHA

"Hello?" A voice called from the front door of the flat. John Watson, returning from the market. "Sherlock, are you in here?" he called again. No reply. Eyes narrowing and a strange fear growing in the pit of his stomach, John set off into the flat. First he checked the living room. No one. Next, the kitchen. No one, and the head was still in the fridge. Then the bathroom, Sherlock's room and finally, his own room. That's where he found Sherlock, spread out and cuddling John's pillow. He looked...peaceful. Content, even. And John couldn't have that. He walked to the taller man's side and ripped the pillow from his grasp. No movement. "SHERLOCK BLOODY HOLMES!" John shouted. Still nothing. Sherlock was really out of it. John paused. Maybe? John, no...John, yes. Watson sighed, gathered his dignity and threw it out the window. He climbed into bed next to Sherlock after kicking off his shoes and sighed once more. "Bloody idiot..." he murmured with a smile.

John woke the next morning with Sherlock wrapped tightly around his middle, still asleep.  
Sherlock snored softly, pressing his face closer and closer to John.

Sherlock, being the complete adorable teddy beat that he is, tightened his arms around John, kicking at the sheets. His nose scrunched and his shoulder's tensed. John wrapped his arm around Sherlock's shoulders, pulling him closer and sighing a bit.  
Sherlock was still asleep, but he was quite aware of what he was doing. When John had come home the last night, Sherlock made himself sleep via powers of the mind palace. As he hoped, John had given into his exhaustion and decided on sleeping next to Sherlock. So Sherlock decided to give into his own temptation and curl protectively around his more-than-friend-less-than-lover.

John closed his eyes once more, completely oblivious to Sherlock's plan. The shorter still held Sherlock, fingers tracing patterns in his back lightly. It wasn't until an hour later that John noticed a pair of blueish-grey eyes opening slowly. His face grew red and he tried to move away but Sherlock only tightened his arms further around John's middle. "No." was all he said.

John smiled and closed his eyes, letting Sherlock cling to him. Sherlock dozed off again, and John joined him. They spent the morning in a state of near awakeness, Sherlock occasionally clinging a bit more over time. John was completely fine with it, tracing words and patters on Sherlock's back and playing with his hair.  
Sherlock continued to move closer to John, his legs tangling with the other man's. John occasionally glanced down at Sherlock, his chocolate brown eyes shining with pure admiration.

Sherlock woke up from the light and restful nap he had fallen into and yawned. He glanced up at John, blinking slowly, and John felt his heart swell with adoration. Sherlock nuzzled his head in the crook of John's neck.  
John turned and rested his chin on Sherlock's soft curls, wrapping both of his arms around the lean shoulders of his companion. Sherlock was very much awake, but he regulated his breathing to seem like he had dozed off again. He leaned his head up and very sweetly pressed his lips against John's.  
John was surprised, but not unpleased, when Sherlock kissed him out of the blue. John wasn't stupid- he knew Sherlock was faking sleep. So John kissed back passionately, and smiled when Sherlock responded by opening his eyes and deepening the kiss slightly.  
It was a good morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the best part writing this was when Winchesterbyheart squealed at the fluff in the middle of class
> 
> we get work done i promise HAHA no we don't


	8. Blue dogs?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What has life come to...

Once

upon

this

headcanon

there

was

a

asshole

named

Shercock

and

he  
liked

John

Wartshon

who

loved

apples

and

cock

so

he

fucked

Shercock

and

apples

the

doggy

was

blue

and

gay

so

he

fucked

pickles

then

ate

Shercock

out

and

Jawn

died

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ITS ANOTHER WRITING STYLE WHAT WE'RE PRODUCTIVE no we're not haha what am I talking about
> 
> SO Thank all of you beautiful people holy shit i'm happy 716 hits omfg wow LOVE ALL OF YOU


	9. this is important

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just...I need this. This is just so important, I have to get it off my chest. Guys, please click the link. It's so important. This is the most serious thing right now and I think you need to hear it. Please. Please, click the link so you can see what it is and then scroll to the very bottom of the page. Please, this is so important to me and BCM  
> Signed,  
> Winchesterbyheart

[Important](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/19/df/03/19df035f9dba67ec2a00f53f59eb881d.jpg)


	10. I am so sorry(no I'm not)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ha yeah so if you clicked the very very very important link in the last chapter you know why I'm sorry
> 
> If not
> 
> CLICK THE LINK ITS THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN YOUR LIFE NOW

So I(Bobcatmama) am gonna use this chapter to ask all you lovely people what kinds of chapters you want from this.

Did you like the dialogue chapters or the more descriptive chapters? We do plan on more of both, but if you have other ideas you should tell us. We want to know what you want!

Also thank you so much for the 717 hits holy shit ilyasm I HOPE YOU ALL RECEIVE A BABY (FAVORITE ANIMAL)

 

 

We're veeeery mature can you tell

Hello friends,  
Its WinchesterByHeart...

I'm so sorry for the tags...

I'm only half sorry actually, I laughed my ass off. 

Actually, no, I'm not sorry at all. I'm proud of us. 

Thanks for the hits and please, please for the love of God, don't do drugs. It's not as bad as this but it's pretty bad.

Love, 

WinchesterByHeart


	11. Scott the dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They get a dog and shit ensues
> 
> WBH Here, I just wanna point out how weirdly good BCM is at talking dirty, lol, love you BCM! Also, I apologize for the rather awful editing, I'm very tired.
> 
> I am slightly scared of myself now woop -BCM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the kinkiest chapter omfg if you want to keep whatever semblance of innocence you have skip to the end we'll have a brief summary of what happened without the kinks in detail

(I want to apologize in advance. Sorry! ~WinchesterByHeart)

i bought a dog  
Why? Why John?  
LOOK AT THE PUPPY  


i named it scott  
she's a she  
with a penis  
but she identifies as a cat  
what the fuck john  
i speak dog  
jfc  
you know it's true sherlock  
john stop  
looooook at this puppy  
SCRAW  
I THOUGHT YOU WERE OVER THIS PHASE SHERLOCK YOU ARE NOT A CROW  
I CAN BE WHATEVER I WANT MOM'  
AND MAMA JOHN IS BACK GO TO YOUR ROOM SHERLOCK  
MAKE ME!  
SCRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW  
G  
O  
T  
O  
Y  
O  
U  
R  
R  
O  
O  
M  
MAKE ME JOHN  
I WILL DRAG YOU KICKING AND SCREAMING HOW WILL THAT AFFECT OUR DOG CHILD  
FUCKING HELL JOHN IM GONNA KILL YOU, LET GO OF ME  
YOUR DICK SAYS OTHERWISE YOU LOVE THIS DON'T YOU KINKY LITTLE SHIT  
OH MY GOD WOULD YOU JUST FUCK ME  
THE DOG SHERLOCK THE DOG GIVE ME A SECOND  
LET HIM WATCH  
HER?  
CAT?  
LET THE DOGCATCHILDDEMON WATCH AS I CHAIN YOU NAKED AND BEGGING TO THE BED SO I CAN TAKE HER FOR A WALK SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN SHERLOCK SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN  
....FINE  
EXCELLENT  
NOW JUST LAY THERE FOR A MINUTE  
I WASNT PLANNING ON MOVING JOHN  
AND I'M SO GLAD I FOUND WHERE YOU KEEP THE HANDCUFFS  
AND THE KEYS  
IT WASNT THAT HARD JOHN  
THEY WERE RIGHT NEXT TO YOU  
I KNOW  
I FOUND THEM REMEMBER  
AND THE WHIP  
I PREFER THE FLOGGER  
HOW ABOUT THE COLLAR AS WELL  
JUST PUT IT ON  
JESUS FUCKING CHRST  
HOLD STILL  
WE CAN EXPERIMENT LATER  
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  
YES  
NO SCOTT NEEDS TO GO FOR A WALK BE A GOOD BOY  
ACTUALLY  
LEMME GRAB A VIBRATOR  
AND A RUBBER BAND  
JOHN  
JOHN I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DO THAT I WILL KI-MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM  
LIKE YOU COULD KILL ME STRAPPED TO THAT BED  
NO CUMMING UNTIL DADDY COMES HOME  
BUT JOHN!!  
NO NO NO DO I NEED TO GAG YOU AS WELL?  
MAYBE YOU DO MAYBE YOU DONT  
SHHHHH DON'T WANT MS. HUDSON TO HEAR YOUR SCREAMS  
JOHN YOU ASSH-MMPH  
DON'T YOU LOOK SO PRETTY ALL STRUNG UP LIKE THAT  
I'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR  
MAYBE MORE  
MMMMMPHMM  
SHHH LET ME JUST TURN IN THAT VIBRATOR AND WE'RE DONE  
BYE-BYE SHERL  
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmphmmn  
be a good boy now  
I'm taking Scott for a walk  
*muffled moaning*  
*~hour later* OH SHERLOCK I'M HOOOOOOOME  
WHERE YOU A GOOD BOY  
*muffled* fuck you john  
Oh look at you needy little thing how sweet  


joooooohn  
You needy little cock slut are you just dying to get off  


mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm  
Maybe i should turn that vibrator up a notch and watch you write and moan slut  


mmmmmmmmmmn  
Oh look at your pretty face all flushed like that  


joooooooooooooohn  
Oh, do you want me, slut? beg a little more and maybe i'll let you come for me  


john, john, john, please, john  


good boy now shhh and you can come  
come for daddy like the good little slut you are  


hhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngh  
good  
now let me just get that vibrator out and the real fun will begin  
john, god damn it hurry up  
now Sherlock, if you rush me this will take longer. i need to go get a knife and a candle.  
John hurry up, pleaaaaaase  
shhhhhhh  
*returns with lit candle and kitchen knife*  


john, cmon  


oh needy little slut wants to play does he  


john please  
shhhh calm down i can see you want it but gimme a sec. do we need a system or will you tell me if things hurt more than is pleasant?  
i-i'll tell you, i swear, just, please

Good. Lets begin.  


*loud whining*[  


*le time skip*  
Sherlock? Sherlock, are you asleep?  
mmmn...not yet..  
okay, good, because we have get you cleaned up. hot water or cool?  
don't care  
okay then. here let me pick you up an we'll get you in the bath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> John buys a dog that identifies as a female cat but it's a male dog, then Sherlock is a kinky bastard and ~1000000 kinks are mentioned and yeah that's about it really aftercare happens


	12. GPS, GIS, and Google Earth.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAAAHAHAHAHAHA HOMEWORK IS FANFIC NOW also Sherlock is a wizard, Harry
> 
> No, but this was actually homework that I submitted to my teacher. You're welcome.  
> ~Winchesterbyheart

The flat was quiet, a clock ticking steadily. John sits in his chair with a newspaper in hand. Tick, tick, tick, ti-”JOHN!” Sherlock shouts from the kitchen.

“Sherlock, I’m not even ten feet from you, you don’t have to bloody shout!” John shouts back just as Sherlock enters the room.

“John, do you know the advantages of GIS, GPS and Google Earth?” John sits there, staring at Sherlock with the most befuddled expression.

“N-no...actually, I don’t.”

“Well allow me to educate you in this area of expertise!” Sherlock then proceeds to pull out a large notepad and a pointer stick. John raises a brow but says nothing, knowing it will only make Sherlock angry. “Now, some of the advantages of GPS are that it determines the exact location, time and weather conditions of any one place in the world!” 

John blinks. “And...why do I need to know this?” 

“SCIENCE!” Sherlock then runs from the room, down the stairs and out the front door. John watches in horror as Sherlock floats above the window, muttering Latin phrases. Then, whoosh, he’s gone. 

“Sherlock!” John shouts but nothing comes. “Bloody Hell! Why didn’t you finish the lesson, Sherlock! Now I have to figure it out myself in order to find you!” John sighs and grabs the computer, opening it to Google Earth

. “Let’s see...GIS is a computer system designed to store, capture, analyze and manipulate all types of geographical data…” As he watches the screen, a Sherlock sized blob floats across the screen. 

“The advantages of GIS is that is brings together GPS data points, as well as remote sensing and spatial and non-spatial data,” he mutters to himself, “Whereas Google Earth is a simple tool to see where a place is, much like a GPS.” 

Sherlock floats back across the screen. John sighs to himself. “I’ll get you back, Sherlock, don’t you worry.” He says. “Now that I know what they do, I need to know what they mean. GIS stands for Geographic Information System and GPS stands for Global Positioning Systems.” 

A flash of light erupts from the computer screen and Sherlock flops into John’s lap like a dead fish. “Congratulations, John! You figured out my lesson! Would you like to go for a midnight flight as a reward?” Sherlock winks.

John stays quiet for a moment before replying. “Sure...why not.” He agrees. Sherlock then scoops John into his arms and they fly out the window towards the second start to their right and straight on till morning.


	13. Sherlock...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WELL THEN HERE'S THE FIRST ANGSTY CHAPTER HAHAHAHAHA
> 
>  
> 
> there is going to be a continuation i promise dear lord wow this is just

John pushed the door to the flat open, his eyes wide. “Sherlock? Sherlock!” He yelped upon seeing the taller man sitting at the table and staring at his computer. John’s blog was open and Sherlock was watching the views slowly go up.

“John, John” he replied monotonically.

“Why did you murder Anderson? I know that you disliked him but why?”

“Because, I just did. Why? There is no why. There never has been a reason.”

“Sherlock, murder is a felony punishable by death or banishment. A bit not good there.”

“Well it's a good thing they won't find out, now isn't it, John?”

“Sherlock... What are you planning…” John asked skeptically.

“I'm not planning anything, John.” The taller seemed to have an odd tone to his voice.

“I know when you're lying”

“My plan has already been set in motion.”

That wasn’t good. “Sherlock, I really hope that this plan doesn't involve me dying or being drugged.”

“Don't worry, John, you're perfectly safe.” Sherlock sighed, reaching into his coat.

“I really don't trust you, Sherlock.”

“Why not?”

“Maybe because you jumped off a building and didn't contact me until two years later. Two years, Sherlock. Two. Fucking. Years.” John snapped, his eyes narrowing at Sherlock. “I thought you were dead.”

“That was the point, John. I couldn't have you being shot. I could have lived if it were Ms. Hudson, or Lestrade. But not you John.” Sherlock said, his icy eyes locked with John’s.

“Oh... Sherlock…” John stopped and lightened his gaze. “I didn’t..”

“John…” Sherlock started, pulling his gun from his coat.

Click.

“GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, SHERLOCK, IS THAT A GUN?!” John shouted, panicked.

“Goodbye, John.” Sherlock said, raising the gun to his head.

“NO, SHERLOCK, NOT AGAIN I CAN'T SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU!” Watson pleaded, his eyes already welling with tears.

Too late.

BLAM!

Sherlock’s body toppled over, landing on the floor as the blood flowed from the wound.

“Sherlock!” John wailed and crumpled to his knees.

**To be continued**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i do not apologize...
> 
> at all....
> 
>  
> 
> HAHAHA  
> -BCM
> 
>  
> 
> No regrets. HAHAHHAHA I LOVE THE ANGSTY STUFF  
> Loves <3
> 
> ~WinchesterByHeart


	14. Grey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AAAAHAHAHAAAA CONTINUATION OF THE LAST CHAPTER PREPAAAAARE FOR SADNESSSSS so there is going to be a third part of The Angst Trilogy soo look out for that hell HAHAHA

Everything was grey. Dull, nothing shone. Nothing ever shined anymore.

Sherlock was dead. 

Sherlock was really, truly, gone, and it broke John. More than the first time did.

This time John watched.

Sherlock put a gun to his head and pulled the trigger. The wide blank eyed stare when he hit the floor. John died with him, this time.

John went about his work without expression, without feeling. He did everything that way, these days. It had been nearly a year since Sherlock died, and John hadn't moved on. 

The British summer was warmer than usual. John stood on the tube, staring at nothing. Another day, another stream of patients. Another day of loss. Another day.

John sat at his desk, in between patients. Sherlock sat next to him, he always did. But Sherlock was dead. The Sherlock sat next to John repeated Sherlock's last words over and over for John. Just for John.

He was hallucinating. Another day.

Just. Another. Day.

The next patient came through the door, a young woman who looked slightly underdressed and flirty. She smiled winningly and leaned forward so her shirt fell a bit. How did John tell her he wasn't interested unless she could bring Sherlock back to life? He carried on the visit, ignoring her advances until she left in disgust. John didn't notice. Sherlock was still saying those words, over and over.

Just. Another. Day.

Everything was grey. John sat on the bed in his-Sherlocks- room holding a small bottle of pills. He could take them all, and no-one would care. He could die, and no-one would care. He might do it. He would. 

He did.


	15. Intermission (Battle Plans)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An intermission from the angst (cliffhangers!) for our battle plans to take back our land (the school cafeteria) 
> 
> PREPARE FOR WAR!
> 
> ~WinchesterByHeart
> 
> Have fun with the angst WE'RE GOING TO WAAAAAR HAHAHAHAHA  
> -BCM

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spooky Scary Skeletons Remix - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBHvJrVma8Y
> 
>  
> 
> Jack's Lament - https://youtu.be/3WRhYKfDk3k?list=PLB22011EFF3876594

WE ARE NOT ACTUALLY PLANNING WAR! (yet) WE'RE JUST BEING DORKS.(BUT ARE WE HAHAHAHAHAHA)

 

General Of The Army - WinchesterByHeart (Me)  
General - Candy  
Lieutenant General/Weapons Officer - BobCatMama  
Solider - JJF  
Solider - KFS  
Mess Hall Manager -Steven  
"Cook"(orders food from McDonalds) - Greta

Who We're Fighting For - Hillary Hindi, Hannah Hindi, Jensen Ackles. Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins, Bennedict Cumberbatch, Martin Freeman, THE GOOD PEOPLE OF SCHOOL-LANDIA(tm)

Enemy - My dad

///////////////////////////////////////////////////

School-Landia's Anthem - Jack's Lament (link in the notes)

School-Landia's Motto - "Am I a boi? Am I gurl? Either way, I'm gay!"

School-Landia's Military Anthem - Spooky Scary Skeletons Remix by The Living Tombstone. (link in the notes)

School-Landia's National Colors - Black, The Blood Of Our Enemies, Rainbows

////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Arsenal:  
_ Tasers  
\- Plastic Forks  
\- Stabby Combs  
\- My Poisoned Tea  
\- Greta/Steven  
\- Scary Pumpkin Drawing Named Steven  
\- Satan  
\- Goatz  
\- The Tears Of The Damned

 

//////////////////////////////////////////////////////

 

AGAIN, WE ARE NOT PLANNING ACTUAL WAR...yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like at some point we have to explain Steven and Greta but it's veeeeery hard to explain so that's not happening all you have to know is Greta lives in the trash can, we don't feed her, and we think she ate Steven and he took over her form. We can't tell. Steven is our God, and he will eat you. And he doesn't react to tasers. We tried.


	16. You.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We won the war, just in case you were curious. this is the end of the angst (for now). Hope y'all enjoyed. 
> 
> ~WBH
> 
> The Angst Trilogy shall be complete.
> 
> -BCM

Black. Everything was black. 

As John’s vision returned to him, the black faded. The blur cleared and he lifted his head. He was in the front room, near the chairs were he and Sherlock had sat on those nights when he was working on a case. 

Alone.

He was still alone. He couldn’t understand why he was still alive. Still here. He had taken just the right amount of pills. 

Sighing, he pushed himself off the floor and onto his knees, looking around the lonely flat. His eyes landed on Sherlock, sitting in his chair with a newspaper in hand. 

“Sherlock?” He asked groggily. It wasn’t really Sherlock. 

“Yes, John?” Sherlock replied monotonically.

“What happened? Why aren’t I dead?” Great. Now he’s talking to a ghost. 

“Dead? Why would you be dead? It was just a simple sedative.” Sherlock put the paper down, blueish-grey eyes flickering to John. 

“Sedative? No, you killed yourself.” What was this guy talking about?

“No, I drugged you.” Sherlock corrected, shifting in his seat. 

John stared at him for a moment. “You...what?” He could feel the anger rising in his chest. 

“I drugged you.” Sherlock repeated. 

John got up, but instead of taking a swing at his much taller partner, he hugged him. A full on bear hug. “You bloody asshole, I thought you were gone again.” He said then shoved Sherlock away. “I thought you were gone!”

“But I’m not John. I’m still here, right as rain.” Sherlock flashed a little smile. 

“You…” John paused, calming down. “You’re here.” He agreed and sat in his own chair.  
“What did you dream about, John?” the taller questioned curiously. 

“You.” was all John responded with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...we aren't actually sure why Sherlock drugged him, but it happened. So...yeah. Here ya' go.
> 
>  
> 
> IT WAS FOR A CASE WOOOOOO


	17. The introduction of Steven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So.  
> Steven.  
> Yes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE BEST CHAPTER AND I AM SO SO VERY SORRY

Let's start with Greta. Greta is a trash hoe, basically a person like thing who lives in a trash can and yells one word. Greta happens to scream "Bed" at all hours, and she experiments with rats and the neighbors children. Steven is most likely a combination of the two, created when a bolt of lightning from the eternal lightning storm above our house.  
And this isn't just an explanatory chapter, it's going to be a semi- story chapter.

 

Greta ran down the street, stark naked and screaming at the top of her lungs.

" BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!" The neighbors averted their eyes from the skin blobs flapping in the wind like graceful sails. The other trash hoes of the street shrieked along with Greta, pausing when she fell in the center of the street. Greta laid face down in the middle of the street, unmoving. The trash hoes of hoe street resumed their screaming.

Greven wailed, Greg shouted fuck at the top of his lungs, Gih yelled Gih, George sobbed Romeo and Juliet continually, Georgette was on her monthly unconscious phase before she started screaming again. Geoff sang Justin Beiber, just the one lyric, over and over again.

Steven rose from the trash can Greta abandoned slowly and stealthily. Dun-dun-duuuuuh. Like a snake shark. Stealth. Steven flopped like a dead fish out of the trash can and scrambled under the wrap around porch on the old Victorian house. Gracefully.

D walked out of the house, swinging a slightly squirming bloodied bag over their shoulder.

" Yo, Greta, we have the rent." Greta didn't respond, so D put the sack of dead rats on the ground and picked up a stick to poke the trash can. " Greta?"

Unbeknownst to D, Steven slunk out from under the porch and took the bag of rats. D turned around and nearly beheaded Steven in their startelement of his existence. " Well fuck. Can I help you?" D said. Steven tilted hi head slightly, then threw the sack into the air, leaned back, and caught it in his mouth. D blinked when Steven looked at her with his single large eye. " K then." D started walking up the step, and Steven followed.

" Hey, Mimi? We have a guest." D called through the ceiling to the next floor up. Something thumped and dust wafted down, then Mimi fell through it. She landed with a painful thunk, and D stepped back.

" What were you saying?" Mimi floated lightly to her feet and tilted her head. Creepily. D pointed over her shoulder to the large fuzzy best currently chewing on the flesh lamp. " oh. That. Hm. Are we keeping it?"

" Do we want to keep it?"

" It might eat Nanci."

" Keeping it then?"

" Obviously." D nodded. Mimi floated up through the ceiling, repairing it while she did. Steven finished eating the lamp made of human limbs.

" Oh, fuck. I liked that lamp." Steven looked about as guilty as he could get- not guilty at all. Then the ground started shaking and Mimi fell through the floor again. " GET THE PANCAKES!" D yelled, running through the rubble to the kitchen. Nanci was awake.


	18. Sneaky Snek/Rainbow Snake: A Confession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I..I love you, Rainbow Snake” 
> 
>  
> 
> Oh god, this was based off sticky notes. STICKY NOTES. We need help.   
> Save us.   
> ~Winchesterbyheart

Sneaky Snek loved Rainbow Snake, but Rainbow Snake did not know. He went about his days as any gay - erm, Rainbow - snake would. Rainbow Snake is NOT gay. No way, no how. It was very sad. Sneaky Snek didn’t like that Rainbow Snake refused to accept his gayness. 

One day, Sneaky Snek decided to confront Rainbow Snake about his feelings. 

“Rainbow Snake...we...we need to talk.” said Sneaky Snek.

“Okay, Sneaky Snek.” Rainbow Snake replied sassily. 

Sneaky Snek took a breath, closed his eyes and said, “I-I love you...Rainbow Snake...you...you complete me.” 

Rainbow Snake blushed, looking away. His sassy hair swoop fell into his eyes dramatically. “I-I...I love you too, Sneaky Snek…” 

“Rainbow Snake, why didn’t you tell me? We could’ve made love under the stars on your birthday.” 

“I didn’t know you felt that way about me, Sneaky Snek…can we make love right now?”

Rainbow Snake grinned and hissed subtly. 

Then they made love. 

The end.


	19. Hide the turtles!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHH WE MAY HAVE BEEN DRUNK OR AT LEAST I WAS
> 
> -BCM

Sherlock  
John  
Can you PLEASE get the HIDE YOUR TURTLES  


Why?  


HIDE THE GODDAMN TURTLES SHERLOCK  


DAMN IT JOHN I DON'T WANT TO  


HIDE THE TURTLLLLLEEEEES  


WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY  


JUST HIDE THE TURTLES  


BUT WILLIAM STILL NEEDS HIS BATH  
HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDDDDDDEEE THE TURTLEEEEEEEEES  
BUT WILLIAM!  
WILLIAM CAN BATHE LATER HIDE THE TURTLES  
FINE! *hides the turtles*  
Awesome. Lestrade is coming by and he might steal them.  
Why did you invite Lestrade?  
Because he hide the turtles  
I don't understand..."  
HIDE  
THE  
TURTLES  
Lestrade is invited because he's got a broom.  
A MAGICAL BROOM.  
Why!?  
Mrs. Hudson IS MAGICAL AND SHE WANTS THE MAGICAL BROOM SO SHES GOING TO MUG LESTRADE AND STEAL THE BROOM BUT HE MIGHT STEAL THE TURTLES  
Oh...I see...  
yes  
TURTATOES  
Right.  
yes  
Okay, so you hid the turtles, RIGHT?  


Yes, I hid the turtles  


Good. What about the axes?  


Yes, they are hidden.  


Excellent.  


ANything else?  


THE BROOM ASSES ARE COMING SHERLOCK THE BROOM ASSES  


OH NO  


HIDE FOR YOUR LIFE  


*hides*  


*hides along with*  


*strokes johns hair*  
Sherlock why are you petting me  
your hair is wonderful  
thanks sherlock  
Very soft  
okay there sherlock  
Much soft, John  
okay sherlock i think you're high  
Shhhhhhh  
sherlock stooooooop stroking my face  
*strokes le face*  
Sherlock that is in fact the face that i asked you to stop stroking  
*strokes le hair*  
*gets high on liiiiiiiife again* Good hair stroking there Sherlock  
Mmmmmm very strokable john  
woooooooOOOOOooooo stoky hair  
stroky  
Yes. Much stroke, very hair  
strrookily hair  
very soft  
weeeeeeeeeeeee stroky  
so soft  
the broom asses have gone now and life has highed no longer  
FIND THE TURTLES  
Indeed. Shhhhhh  
THE TURTLES  
THE TURTLES  
THE TURTLES NEED HELP THE BROOM ASSES HAVE STOLEN THEM  
NO WILLIAM HASN'T BATHED  
OH NU  
*drops to knees* WILIAMMMMMMMM  
NUUUUUUUUU WILLIAM HE WAS SO YOUNG WHY  
EHOLP WILLIAM oh well  
*gross sobbing*  
Wiiiiiiiiiiilllllllllllllliaaaaaaaaaammm noooooooo  
WiLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam  
NUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU  
YOU BASTArDS  
WILLIAM NEEDED A BAAAAAAAAAAAAATH  
I'M SORRY WILLIAM  
HE WAS SO YOUNG  
SO HANDSOME  
SO KINKY  
SO...Wait what?  
You didn't know?  
John, what did you do to William?  
I did nothing, but I walked in on him with one of the dildos and another turtle...  
Oh...  
I burnt that dildo.  
Good. GOod  
Yeaaah


	20. Titles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo this is just the title changes from our group chat and it's amazing so NEW CHAPTER HAHAHAH
> 
> This is actually my favorite chapter so far xD ~WBH

John renamed the Hangout to HIDE THE TURTLES THE ASS BROOMS ARE COMING  
Mycroft renamed the Hangout to HIDE THE TURTLES AND CLENCH YOUR BUTT CHEEKS THE ASS BROOMS ARE COMING  
Moriarty renamed the Hangout to DEAR FUCKING GOD WHY THIS IS HELL  
John renamed the Hangout to CLENCH THE BROOM ASSES  
Mycroft renamed the Hangout to CLENCH THE BROOM ASSES CLENCH THEM  
Moriarty renamed the Hangout to SAVE ME PLEASE  
John renamed the Hangout to NOPE  
Mycroft renamed the Hangout to THERE IS NO ESCAPE FROM THE BROOM ASSES  
Moriarty renamed the Hangout to BUT THIS IS HELL  
John renamed the Hangout to BROOM ASSES  
Moriarty renamed the Hangout to UGH  
John renamed the Hangout to RUN THE BROOM ASSES ARE COMING  
Moriarty renamed the Hangout to NO THEY ARE NOT  
John renamed the Hangout to YES THEY ARE RUN  
Moriarty renamed the Hangout to DIE  
John renamed the Hangout to NEVER DIPSHIT THE BROOM ASSES ARE COMING  
Mycroft renamed the Hangout to THE BROOM ASSES WILL GET YOU FIRST  
Moriarty renamed the Hangout to I WOULD LITERALLY BE THE LAST TO DIE HERE  
John renamed the Hangout to THAT IS PROBABLY TRUE BUT THE BROOM ASSES  
Mycroft renamed the Hangout to THE BROOM ASSES. THEY ARE COMING FOR YOUR BUTT CHEEKS AND TURTLES  
Moriarty renamed the Hangout to THE BROOM ASSES ARE WEAK  
John renamed the Hangout to HIDE THE GODDAMN TURTLES  
Sherlock renamed the Hangout to HES COMING  
Mycroft renamed the Hangout to LOOPY  
John renamed the Hangout to THE ASS BROOMS AND THE SEXY AXES WILL KILL US ALL  
Mycroft renamed the Hangout to HIGH ON LIFE  
John renamed the Hangout to VERY HIGH ON LIFE


	21. A Study in Greek

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more homework fanfic!
> 
> sortof!
> 
> (we accidentally made an AU where John is Apollo and Sherlock is Hades)
> 
> I APOLOGIZE FOR THE BORING LANGUAGE- THE ASSIGNMENT WAS TO WRITE A CHILDREN'S BOOK

**A Study In Greek**

 

_Staring:_

_John Watson as Apollo_

_Sherlock Holmes as Hades_

_Ella as Homer the Philosopher_

_Lestrade as Hera_

_Sally Donovan as Artemis_

_Mike Stamford as Hippocrates the Philosopher_

_Molly as Phidias the Philosopher_

_Reporter 2 as Alexander the Great_

_Reporter 3 as Socrates the Philosopher_

_The Lady In Pink as Hypnos_

 

_**This is a take on the BBC series, Sherlock.** _

_**I can’t physically or mentally write books for children, I hope it’s good enough.** _

  
  
  
  
  
  
High atop Mount Olympus, there live twelve gods. Zeus, Hera, Poseidon, Demeter, Athena, Apollo, Artemis, Ares, Aphrodite, Hephaestus, Hermes and Hades. Well...Hades sometimes. Hades was always excluded from the parties.

 

Below Mount Olympus, there was a town. Olympia. There, lived five philosophers. Hippocrates, Socrates, Homer, Alexander the Great and Phidias. They were spread out among the town, living in different areas and working in various shops and stores.

 

This is the story of Apollo, and how he met these philosophers, not to mention to the love his life, Hades. But we’ll get to that later.

 

This is Apollo. He has PTSD because he fought in the war against the Titans. He has to go to the Philosopher, Homer, for his weekly therapy session.

  
  


Apollo whistles a happy tune as he walks down the street, looking around at the buildings. People wave at him and sometimes offer him grapes.

 

Apollo is very loved in Olympia, because he is a god. He wasn’t sent to the underworld like Hades was. No one likes Hades.

 

He was very anti-social at the Mount Olympia parties. He would normally stand in the corner, shouting at the other gods about whom they would have dinner with.

  


Apollo knocks on Homer the Philosopher’s door. The man opens the door, his white beard messy.

 

“Apollo!” says Homer, “Come in my boy!”

 

Apollo steps in and shuts the door behind him.

 

Apollo looks around the messy home. There are books strewn about but Homer didn’t seem to notice.

 

“Have a seat, Apollo.” Homer says and motions to a mostly empty chair.

 

“Thank you.” says Apollo and sits down.

 

Homer hums quietly as he sits behind his desk. Apollo watches as Homer pulls a small scroll from under his desk and a quill.

 

“How are your scrolls coming along?” Homer asks.

 

“Very good, yep, wonderful. Everyone seems to love them.” Apollo answers. He’s lying.

 

“You haven’t written on any of them, have you?” Homer says cheerfully and puffs on his pipe.

 

“You just wrote, ‘still has trust issues’.” Apollo states.

 

“And you’re reading my scrolls upside down. Do you see what I mean?” Homer says, now floating upside down out of his chair.

 

Apollo sighs as Homer starts talking once more.

  
  
  
Meanwhile, on Olympus...

“The body of Hypnos, God of Sleep, was found today,” Says Artemis as she paces, “Investigators suggest that the cause is deep sleep. Hera will take questions now.”

Hera walks to the front of the room.

 

Socrates starts off the questions with, “Hera, how can deep sleeps be linked?”

 

“Well, they all had the same wine. They were all found in anywhere but their beds and they showed no signs of being tired.”  Hera explains.

 

“But you can’t have mass sleeps!” Socrates says matter of factly.

 

“Yes, you can.” says Hera.

 

“These people, there has to be something that links these people.” Socrates suggests.

 

“Not yet, but we are searching. There has got to be one.” Hera explains.

 

Suddenly, the scrolls start to sing. A small “HORSES” comes from Socrates’s scroll.

 

“If you have gotten a note from your scrolls, please ignore them.” Artemis says casually.

 

Alexander the Great looks at his scroll. “It just reads ‘Wrong’.” he says.

 

Artemis sighs. “Yes, just ignore it. Now, if there are no more questions for Hera, I’m bringing this meeting to an end.”

 

Socrates stands. “If it’s just deep sleeps, what could you possibly be investigating?”

 

“As I said before, these, sleeps, are clearly linked. It’s an unusual situation but we’ve got our best people working on it.” Hera says.

 

Again, the scrolls sing and another small “HORSES” from Socrates.

 

“It only says ‘Wrong’ again.” says Alexander the Great.

 

“One more question!” Artemis exclaims.

 

“Is there any chance that these are the work of a nap inducer? And, if they are, how would one protect themself?” asks Nike.

 

“Well, just don’t go to sleep.” Hera states plainly. “Thank you.” she nods and turns to Artemis.

 

“We’ve got to stop him from doing that.” Artemis hisses.

 

“If you can tell me how he does it, I would gladly stop it.” says Hera and she walks off.

  
  
  
  
“Apollo! Apollo Watson!” a man shouts as he runs after Apollo.

 

Apollo turns to see Hippocrates, a good friend of him from middle school. He’s a doctor now.

 

“It’s Hippocrates! We were in school together!” Hippocrates says and stops beside Apollo.

 

“Yes, sorry, hello, Hippocrates. Hi.” Apollo smiles.

 

“Yes, I know, I got fat.” Hippocrates admits and bounces on his heels.

 

“No.” Apollo denies.

 

“I heard you were fighting with Zeus, getting bombarded with snowballs. What happened?” Hippocrates questions.

 

“I got hit.” Apollo shrugs. “Are you still in school? Teaching I presume?”

 

“Ah, no, not teaching. I’m um… the nurse.” Hippocrates says. “What about you? Are you just in Greece until you get sorted out?”

 

“No, I can’t afford even Greece on my salary.” says Apollo lamely.

 

“Why not get a house with someone? Split the pay?” Hippocrates suggests.

 

“Oh, who’d wanna share a house with me?” Apollo kicks the gravel.

 

A wicked smile spreads across Hippocrates's face.

 

“What?” Apollo asks, confused.

 

“I think I know someone.” Hippocrates says.

  
  


“Sorry, you were saying?” Hades mutters as he stares out at his mighty kingdom.

 

“I wanted to know if you would like some coffee.” Phidias says weakly.

 

Phidias is the philosopher that Hades took with him to the underworld.

 

“Yes, black, two sugars. I’ll be in my throne room.” says Hades dully and walks up to his throne room.

 

“Well...this is a bit…different…” Apollo whispers, looking around.

 

“You have no idea.” Hippocrates says as they stop at a platform. They take it up to Hades’ throne room.

 

“Hippocrates, I need to borrow your scrolls, I’m not getting any service on mine.” Hades says instead of asking. He hasn’t even looked up.

 

“What’s wrong with the land-window?” Hippocrates asks.

 

“I prefer to write.” Hades answers quickly.

 

“Sorry, it’s in my other toga.” Hippocrates shrugs.

 

“Here, take mine.” Apollo hands him the scroll.

 

“Titans or Gods?” Hades leans back, looking at Apollo.

 

“I’m sorry?” Apollo questions.

 

“Who did you fight for, Titans or Gods?” Hades repeats.

 

“Gods...I’m sorry, how did you know?” Apollo frowns.

 

“Ah! Phidias, coffee! Thank you.” exclaims Hades. “How do you feel about Cerberus?” He directs his attention back to Apollo.

 

“Who?” Apollo says, confused.

 

“My giant three headed dog. He sometimes brings home dead things. I hope that won’t be a problem. I feel as though roommates need to know the worst of one another.” Hades explains.

 

“...you told him?” Apollo looks to Hippocrates.

 

“Not a word, John.” Hades smiles.  
  
“Who now?” Apollo makes a confused face.

 

“Ah, apologies, I was dimension jumping earlier.” says Hades casually. “I’ve been looking at a nice house on the east side. We’ll meet there say...sunset?”

 

Apollo just stares at Hades.

 

“The name is Hades Holmes, address 221B Iris Street.” Hades smiles and slips out of the room.

 

“Is he…” Apollo starts.

 

“Yes, he’s always like that.” Hippocrates nods.

  


AND THEN THEY LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!

** In gay bliss! **

THE END!


	22. bored

Hi guys!

It's Bobcatmama here!

I'm incredibly bored and WBH refuses to be entertaining ;-; 

Sooooooo I wanted to know what you want from this fic. We're kinda just posting random shit that we come up with, things like conversations that happen and the One Word Story Game. Those of you out there who know Dan and Phil know what I'm talking about with that. We do plan to try out more styles, and we would love input from our glorious readers!(we love all of you, btw. y'all are amazing.)

We do have the dialogue chapters, I'm pretty sure I can make WBH play the one word story game some more, and we're planning at least one group chat style chapter. Do you have any styles you'd like to see us try? Do you want us to do a Q&A? All of your comments are amazing and valued, constructive criticism is always, ALWAYS, welcome(I can't stress that enough) and honestly, you should tell us if you want to have someone cameo! We do know a few fandoms, so we probably will know who you're talking about if you ask for someone to cameo. Do you want more angst? More fluff? Please, _please _tell us what you want to see.__

__

__Thank you!  
-BCM_ _

Update

Still bored

Please send us comments and stuff it makes our day and we have no ideas but i insist on having 300 chapters so this is gonna be a hell of a ride

Omfg, and now, a rant from WBH brought to you by the assholes on Shamchat. 

OKAY! So, BCM has not approved this message but I'm doing this. If you are not familiar with the website Shamchat, it's a Role Playing website. Now then. Here are some things that I want to address. 

\- if You put "Any AU" you better fucking mean, any Au  
\- Do NOT shame someone's character choice, if you have a problem with it, go rant about it to your friends and/or express it through constructive criticism.   
\- Don't degrade someone just because they don't understand what you're trying to say. EXPLAIN  
\- Don't ask for a starter and then leave without saying anything.   
\- just BE NICE

Yes this is all out of frustration and personal experience. 

I love you all and tell us what you want to see. Comment what you want for this! Thanks for the love!

~WBH


	23. this




	24. One Word Was All It Took

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So it's kinda funky at the beginning because we switched writing styles halfway through and I was too lazy to edit it so...yep! Enjoy your angst!  
> ~WBH
> 
>  
> 
> HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MORE ANGST TIS MY FAVORITE FOR SURE THIS SHALL LAST FOR A MONTH  
> THE ONE MONTH ANGST WRITING CHALLENGE
> 
> EVERYONE SHOULD JOIN IN
> 
> PLEASE DO JUST TAG IT AS THE OMA CHALLENGE AND WE'LL CHECK IT OUT I WANT TO SEE THE THINGS THAT HAPPEN  
> -BCM
> 
> DO THE GOD DAMN OMA (ONE MONTH ANGST) CHALLENEGE!!! WE NEED YOU! TAG YOUR STORIES " oma challenge " and we SHALL READ THEM. I will at least. Lol. BCM have no empathy.   
> Loves  
> ~WBH

“John, John what are you doing, get off me!”

“Ha, no! YOU DIED I AM MORE THAN PISSED SHERLOCK!”

“JOHN, STOP THAT!”

“SHERLOCK, I SWEAR TO GOD!”

“MY FACE IS NOT A PUNCHING BAG!”

“IT IS NOW YOU BLOODY IDIOT! ONE WORD, SHERLOCK, ONE WORD TO LET ME KNOW YOU WERE ALIVE, THAT’S ALL IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN! JUST ONE WORD!”

“So..are you keeping the mustache...?”

“I SWEAR TO GOD! MARY LIKES IT, IT STAYS!”

“Mary doesn't like it, John. BESIDES, YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN YOU LOVE HER!”

“YOU WERE DEAD FOR TWO FUCKING YEARS, SHERLOCK! I MOVED ON!” John pauses to take a breath then huff it back out at Sherlock. “OH, OH, YEAH I REALLY MISSED THIS! ONE WORD, SHERLOCK AND I WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE!”

“I COULDN’T ALLOW YOU TO KNOW, JOHN!”

“WHY THE BLOODY HELL NOT? OH, IS IT STILL A SECRET? SO SORRY! ONE WORD IS ALL IT WOULD HAVE TAKEN!”

“JOHN, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

“I THINK I DO, SHERLOCK! I THINK I DO! YOU JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT ME ANYMORE, DO YOU? YOU JUST USED ME TO YOUR ADVANTAGE AND NOW I’M HISTORY. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!”

There’s an eerie silence between the crowd before Sherlock starts back in.

“That’s not true, Jo-”

“THEN WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE ALIVE? YOU... YOU LET ME GRIEVE! I TALKED TO YOU! I ACTUALLY TALKED TO A GRAVE BUT TURNS OUT I WAS JUST TALKING TO A ROCK! MY MENTAL HEALTH HAS SUFFERED MORE WITH YOU DYING THAN AT WAR WATCHING HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE DIE SO DON’T TELL ME YOU CARE! NEVER SAY THAT WHEN YOU SAW ME SUFFER SO MUCH, SHERLOCK!”

“John...You must understand. I did this because I had to protect you and I am truly, deeply sorry that I hurt you” 

“YOU HURT ME MORE THAN YOU CAN APOLOGIZE FOR, SHERLOCK! THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN SAY NOW TO FIX WHAT YOU’VE DONE TO ME! NEVER COME IN MY SIGHT AGAIN, SHERLOCK HOLMES! I MOVED ON! I FUCKING MOVED ON AND NOW YOU’VE COME BACK AND I JUST... I HAVE MOVED ON AND THAT’S FINAL! AM I CLEAR?”

Sherlock's gaze drops from John to the ground as he nods. "I am truly sorry, John Watson. I never meant to do this much harm." And with that, and the faint swoosh of his trench coat, he's walking away. 

"And goodbye to you, Sherlock Holmes." John says emotionlessly. Once Sherlock is out of sight though, he lets out a sigh and slumps into Mary. " I am sorry, my dear."

Sherlock continues to wander aimlessly throughout the streets, staring straight ahead. He has no idea where he's going or what he's doing but if it will please John, then so be it. 

John continues to lean on Mary, letting her lead them out to a cab. It was a long night, and John sighed. he lied. He hadn't moved on, never had and doubted he ever would. Sherlock... Sherlock truly was the love of his life, and John fucked up badly.

Sherlock ends up near his flat, though he's not sure where. It's in a back alley though, so he figures he's safe. John Watson, has let him go. Now what?  
John falls asleep in the cab ride home. He hasn't dreamed in the two years Sherlock was dead aside from nightmares of that terrible time, so this dream is a bit of a surprise. It was quickly turning into a nightmare though. It was Sherlock, standing in the middle of an empty room,and he started bleeding from his eyes and mouth. John surged forward, but something was holding him back. John was forced to watch as Sherlock died, unable to help. Sherlock collapsed. John sat bolt upright on the cab seat, and Mary turned to him with a puzzled glance.

“Nightmare?" 

"Yeah."

Sherlock falls asleep in that alley. He doesn't dream. It's just not something that Sherlock Holmes has ever done. Too human. But tonight is different. He's standing in the flat, and John is there. He starts to ask why but that's when John starts shouting. Shouting about how Sherlock hurt him. About how he was never really his friend and how he won't ever be good enough. It goes on until finally, finally, he's awakened by someone shouting at him to get out of the alley. 

John is drenched in a cold sweat the entire ride home. Sherlock's back, but is he okay? What happened? John didn't mean anything he had said in the restaurant. He was just thrown off by the arrival and subsequent interruption of his proposal. Sherlock had always been his main concern. When he was gone, John was broken. But Now that he was back, John didn't know what to do about it. Two years of worry and concerns hit John like a brick wall, and he didn't like it.

It takes a while before Sherlock can pull himself up off the ground. His head hurts and John's words are racking through his brain. 'Never come in my sight again, Sherlock Holmes.'

John can't sleep that night. He wants to find Sherlock and apologize, but the damage is already done. Sherlock will avoid him at all costs, now, and John regrets everything he said. 'Never come in my sight again,Sherlock Holmes.' Why did he say that? It was a mistake. 

Walking up the stairs to his flat, Sherlock can hear Ms. Hudson talking to him, though he's not listening.  
Mary is asleep, and John doesn't want to wake her. He wants to apologize, but Sherlock will avoid him. Maybe John could text him, would Sherlock respond to that? Probably not, but worth a shot. John pulled out his phone.

To: Dead  
From: Me  
I’m sorry

To: Dead  
From: Me  
I’m so sorry Sherlock

To: Dead  
From: Me  
I didn’t mean anything

To: Dead  
From: Me  
I was just upset you didn’t tell me

To: Dead  
From: Me  
Do you forgive me?  
Seen at 4:23am✓


	25. Texts from John

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day two of oma challenge THE ANGST IS AMAZING WBH is crying and i'm laughing so hard isn't it great

To: Dead  
From: Me  
I’m sorry Sherlock

To: Dead  
From: Me  
Please talk to me

To: Dead  
From: Me  
Sherlock are you okay

To: Dead  
From: Me  
Sherlock I miss you

To: Dead  
From: Me  
Please

To: Dead  
From: Me  
Sherlock please answer me I need to know

To: Dead  
From: Me  
I’m so sorry Sherlock

To: Dead  
From: Me  
I need to know if you forgive me

To: Dead  
From: Me  
Sherlock I love you

To: Dead  
From: Me  
When you were gone

To: Dead  
From: Me  
I thought about joining you I just

To: Dead  
From: Me  
Sherlock you’re the love of my life please I 

To: Dead  
From: Me  
I’m so sorry for what I said I didn’t mean it

To: Dead  
From: Me  
I do want to see you 

To: Dead  
From: Me  
Please answer me 

To: Dead  
From: Me  
I don’t know if you’re okay

To: Dead  
From: Me  
Sherlock I love you

Seen at: 6:18pm✓


	26. Oh, John...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHA ANGSTTTTTTT also we have the chapters somewhat written out it's going to be amazing so thirty days of angst JOIN USSSSSSSS i promise we will read your stories and give them a shout out if they're amazing(and i'm sure they'll all be fabulous) LOVE YOU ALL SO VERY MUCHH  
> -BCM

Sherlock lays in John’s old bed, staring at the messages as they appear on the screen. Tears pool in his ice blue eyes. Ms. Hudson walks in the room, but backed out again slowly, returning with a tub of ice cream and a spoon. Sherlock accepts them silently.

John watches his phone nervously. Sherlock saw the texts, why wasn’t he responding? Oh god, John fucked up. He really truly messed up the only actual relationship he cared about in his life. No, there was Mary. Mary was good. Mary was safe, and kind, and helpful, and… dull. John shook his head. Don’t think about that, John. It will make you miss Sherlock more. Don’t, John. Just don’t. It ends badly, always does, you know you moved on but you didn’t oh fuck John what have you done-

Sherlock watches the text appear on his phone. His thumbs move. 

To: John  
From: Me  
I understand.

He pauses, his finger hovering over the “send” button. He presses on the text. 

“Are you sure you want to delete this text?” the phone reads. 

Sherlock nods to himself and deletes the text. It goes on like this for a while. The buzz of Sherlock’s phone is the only sound in the room, Sherlock finishes his ice cream. The tear tracks on his face dry and flake, Sherlock doesn’t notice. John… What does he say to this? John hurt him more than Sherlock wants to admit. Mary… even her presence burns him. And then John saying he never wants to see him again? Sherlock is back to worthless. 

What did John do? He didn’t remember. The blood pooling down his arms told a completely different story than what he’d like to believe. Pain. Thoughts. Anger. John stood up, shaking as he ran his left arm under the tap. Was Mary up? John hoped not. Mary didn’t deserve to deal with his mental problems. Why did he decide to get engaged to her? That wasn’t a good idea, in hindsight. 

Through his own thoughts, John couldn’t hear Mary in the doorway, screaming bloody murder.  
“WHAT THE BLOODY HELL DID YOU DO, JOHN? WHAT DID YOU DO? OH MY FUCKING GOD, DO I NEED TO CALL AN AMBULANCE? FUCKING HELL, JOHN!” John jumps a bit. The tap is still running, pink tinged water flowing down the drain. John can feel the blood loss. He must have passed out after… whatever this was… happened. The world was fuzzy. How entertaining… Black dots covered John’s vision. The floor was rushing up to meet him and his ears were ringing. Who was laughing? Oh. He was. Hilarious. He could vaguely see Mary rushing forward before everything went silent and black. Delightful.

Sherlock was minorly concerned when the onslaught of texts halted. Of course, he just assumed that John had given up. He was probably with Mary, talking about baby names or something. Did they know about the baby? They must. But then his phone was ringing. How long had that been going on? Who… John? Sherlock picked up hesitantly. It wasn’t John on the phone… it was Mary… John passed out? Sherlock blanked. He only heard parts of what Mary was saying. John needed his help… He was on his way. He hung up on Mary’s concerned babble and swooped out of the flat.

It takes him a bit before finally, finally, he’s at the hospital. Of course Mary would bring John to the hospital. She wasn’t a complete imbecile. Shoving the doors open, Sherlock’s ice blue eyes dart around. No Mary, but there seems to be a panic. John’s been here. They’re getting him stabilized. Probably. It’s all a little hazy. 

“I need to see John Watson!” Sherlock almost shouts at the woman at the front desk. She jumps and stares at him somewhat angrily.  
“ Are you family?” She asks in a very condescending manner.  
“ You’d better hope so. Otherwise I’ll tell your employer about you sleeping with four of the nurses. And you’d really better hope that he isn’t as homophobic as he seems.” The woman pales and nods. She stands up and leads him down the hall to A&E, where Mary is standing in the hall pacing nervously. “ Is he all right?” Sherlock’s voice was neutral.

“ I don’t know. He started laughing and passed out. Blood loss and shock." Mary’s voice, on the other hand, was shaken and scared. Sherlock nodded. He looked in the room. John was laying on the bed, and he looked so frail, nothing like what John should. John should stand strong and defiant, as he always did. John… Sherlock shook his head and backed away from the room. John was too painful right now. Sherlock nodded to Mary and left. Mary watched in sadness as Sherlock left his best friend for dead. What happened between them? 

Sherlock sighed quietly, unnoticeable to the average person. Moriarty, though, was not the average person.

“ Did you miss me?” Moriarty whispers as he steers Sherlock into an alleyway. Sherlock doesn’t show any signs of being startled, but Moriarty knows. “ Oh, Sherlock, don’t think I couldn’t have found you at any point. You’re just a sitting duck, and John is the target. You don’t think I didn’t have anything to do with that?” Sherlock stiffened.

“ You miserable son of a-” Sherlock felt a needle pierce his neck and inject something before the world started to spin. “ No-” He blacked out.


	27. Sherlock!

John was a bit confused when he woke up in the hospital. The casts on his arms didn’t help with anything. What had he done… last night? How long had he been in here? Long enough. John pushed himself out of the bed, only to be detained by Mary and a nurse he had never seen before. He was pushed gently back into bed, against his protests that he couldn’t hear. His ears were ringing. Where was Sherlock? Sherlock…. Sherlock…. John was having difficulty breathing. Where the hell was Sherlock? Mary looked concerned…. Sherlock? John’s vision swam with…. Something. Even half conscious, John’s doctor instincts told him that that was very much not good. But… where was Sherlock bloody Holmes? Where was his best friend, lover, only person John ever trusted fully? Sherlock…. Everything went dark for John.

Sherlock was more than a little pissed. Why the hell had Moriarty kidnapped him? It’s not like he had anything to give Moriarty. No… Moriarty was after Mary, wasn’t he? Why? Sherlock blinked. Oh. He was awake? That complicates things a wee bit. Sherlock closed his eyes and tugged against the restraints on his arms. Oh. There were restraints. Unsurprising. And a collar. Boring, Moriarty. Boring. Nothing interesting here. The location… somewhere near Cardiff, judging by the scent of river. Cardiff had a very.. Particular.. Smell. Cold. Lack of feeling in his arms, possible side effect from the sedative that was administered. Sherlock opened his eyes. Little to no light, warehouse, closed door. Moriarty was standing behind and to the left of him. Holding… sounds like a branding prod or a tazer, Sherlock was rather poor at identifying things like that. How uncreative of him.  
“ Moriarty.”

“ Sherlock.” Not Moriarty. That voice sounded very familiar, though. Who….

Fuck.

Mary.

“ Aren’t you supposed to be at the hospital with your fiance?” Sherlock sneered.

“ Oh, but this is so much more entertaining. Moriarty is off doing… something. So I let myself in.” Mary sounded remarkably cheery, and Sherlock wanted to spit in her face.

“ And here I thought me hating you was just because you took my John. But it seems perfectly justified now, actually.” Sherlock smiled grimly. Bloody interfering Mycroft might be helpful, for once. “ oh, tychariohardious.”

“ What?”

“ Lung disease.”

“ If you’re trying to activate that troublesome chip in your wrist, Moriarty removed it.” Dammit. There goes one plan. It also explains the lack of feeling in his arms- numbed so he didn’t know they got rid of it. Damn.

John was dreaming. He must be. It looked like a warehouse, Sherlock chained up, and Mary… Oh god, Mary holding a cattle brand. They seemed to be arguing, but John couldn’t be sure. He couldn’t hear anything. It was a bit frightening, but why..? Oh god, oh god, oh god, was Mary burning Sherlock? What were those other scars? John could feel himself waking up, and it felt like being pulled backwards at immense speed from that location. John got a glance of the warehouse, and he could identify it, it was in Cardiff, and then he was back in his hospital bed… where was Mary? John looked around the closet like space he was in. No Mary to be seen. Fuck. Lestrade was standing by the bed looking incredibly awkward, and John immediately latched onto him.  
“ Where’s Mary? And Sherlock? I need to know now, Greg.”

“ How should I-”

“ Ask your bloody boyfriend, Mycroft.” Lestrade turned an interesting shade of pink, but pulled out his phone and dialed.

“ Hey, Myc? I know you’re working, but John wants-”

“ Needs!”

“- to know where Sherlock and Mary are.” Lestrade listened for a second his eyes widening at what Mycroft said. “ Okay, love, have a good day. Tell me if you get any updates.” Lestrade turned to John, looking a bit shocked.

“ Mycroft doesn’t know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woo cliffhanger 
> 
> so the thirty days of angst continue
> 
> BUAHAHAHA
> 
> we should reach chapter 54 at the end of the oma challenge
> 
> ALSO OVER A THOUSAND HITS DO YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY I AM OMFG COOKIES AND CAKE AND EVERYTHING TO EVERYONE WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH
> 
> you should comment how long you've been reading this shit flop of a fic, we'd love to know!


	28. No... Not again.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> day... something... of oma!
> 
> woo!
> 
> possibly day four? i think that's it.
> 
> HAHAHA YES

John stared at Greg for an uncomfortable amount of time.

“ What?” John whispered.

“ He doesn’t know.” Lestrade looked worried. “ Says Sherlock went missing last night and Mary a few hours ago. Do you have any ideas?”

“ Maybe.” John leaned back in his bed and sighed. “ Possibly Cardiff, but I’m not sure.”

“ Cardiff?”

“ Just try it.” Greg pulled out his phone again and texted Mycroft.

From: Myc  
To: Me  
Why Cardiff?

 

From: Me  
To: Myc  
John suggested it

Lestrade put his phone back in his pocket, semi-reassured that Mycroft would do something about it. 

Sherlock was unconscious again. Mary had burned him several more times, leaving permanent scars on his back. Or they would be scars, if they healed. 

Mary threw the cattle prod across the warehouse and began unstringing Sherlock. He fell, limp, onto a furniture dolly underneath. He groaned, but didn’t rouse. 

Sirens sounded, and Mary shoved Sherlock along, through a disused back way.

Sherlock didn’t wake up until they were on a train, headed off to some place where Mycroft had no reign.

John was in a frenzied panic when they found traces of Sherlock’s blood in a warehouse, on a recently used cattle prod. John felt sick. What had they done to him?

On the plus side, they found Moriarty.

Dead.

He had his brains splattered along a wall before he was thrown into a dumpster some distance away. John was somewhat grateful for the fact, otherwise he would have murdered him himself.

No-one takes his Sherlock. No-one takes his love.

Ever.


	29. Heading East

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No. FUcking. REgrets. HAHAHAHHAHAH I'm so sorry
> 
> ~Winchesterbyheart

Sherlock stirs as he feels the ground moving below him. That’s odd. The ground doesn’t normally move...right? Soft breathing beside him causes him to look up, ice blue eyes wide and untamed. 

 

“Mary.” He chokes out. Or at least tries to. All that comes out is “mmph”. What the hell? 

 

Mary chuckles darkly when Sherlock tries to speak. “You may want to look at your reflection.” She states coldly. 

 

Sherlock looks ahead and sucks in a sharp breath. He looks a mess. His unruly curls are dampened from sweat and blood and his face is cut in several places. He’s gagged with what looks to be a tie but he can’t be sure. His hands are tied behind him and his legs are - more or less - useless. 

 

Mary chuckles again, wrapping her arm around Sherlock’s tender shoulders. “Poor John, huh? All wrapped up and trapped in that hospital. Oh he’s probably not even worried about you. So sorry, Sherlock. So very sorry.” Mary smirks and Sherlock feels a prick against his skin before - black again.

 

John’s breathing became even more labored as he stumbled around the warehouse, shouting Sherlock’s name. Lestrade is following close behind him so that, in the event that John passed out or anything, he would be there to be of at least some help. 

 

“Sherlock! Sherlock bloody Holmes!” John shouts, stumbling over a few old crates as he does so. 

 

“John, he’s not here!” Lestrade yells and grabs John’s shoulder. 

 

John whips around, his eyes narrow. “I know he’s out there. He’s gotta be here somewhe-” HIs sentence is cut off by someone yelling for the two men. 

 

Lestrade grimaces but leads John back out. There are more police cars than before. “We think we’ve got a lead!” an officer shouts.

 

“Where!?” John shouts back, his voice harsher than he anticipated. 

 

“The tube. They’re heading East.” the officer explains. 

 

John is already running to the nearest entrance before he even finishes his sentence. Lestrade runs after him, cursing and yanking out his phone to call Mycroft. 

 

“Mycroft!” he starts right as the other man picks up. “They’re headed East! Can you find them?” he pants, almost tripping down the stairs as he runs. 

 

There’s a moment of silence on the other line before Mycroft’s voice chimes in. “I don’t know where they are. My sources can’t find him anywhere.” 

 

Lestrade gulps and thanks Mycroft quietly before hanging up. How is he going to tell John? He can’t just outright say that they can’t find Sherlock. It’ll kill him. Or Lestrade. Whoever’s closer. 

  
This is bad. 


	30. Mycroft doesn't know

John paced around the warehouse while Lestrade texted Mycroft frantically and hoped Sherlock was okay. His phone buzzed and John pulled it out with remarkable speed.

From: Mary  
To: Me  
Hello, dearest, I hope your recovery is going delightfully.

To: Mary  
From: Me  
Mary, where are you

From: Mary  
To: Me  
Oh, I think you know.  
(one picture file attached)

John tapped the photo with shaking fingers.

Sherlock.

It was Sherlock, bound and gagged, with pus leaking from awful wounds on his back. His eyes were closed, but it didn’t look restful. His skin was a pallid colour, not quite the shade of the dead but uncomfortably close. John gasped and handed the phone to Lestrade- he had approached when John pulled his phone out. Lestrade paled significantly, then forwarded the photo to Mycroft from John’s phone.

To: Mary  
From: Me  
I am going to kill you what did you do to him

From: Mary  
To: Me  
Oh, nothing much. He’ll live. Probably. Oh, he’s waking up, gtg love.

To: Mary  
From: Me  
Don’t you dare hurt him I swear to god I will murder you myself if you do

From: Mary  
To: Me  
Oh, John, like you could ever save your little lover.He’s as good as dead, dear.

To: Mary  
From: Me  
Don’t you dare touch him

From: Mary  
To: Me  
Toodles, darling!

John threw his phone at the ground, chest heaving in anger. He was going to marry that woman! To think of the Hell he would have gone through. Lestrade jumped slightly at the burst of anger, but hesitantly picked up the phone and read the texts on the cracked screen. His eyes widened and he dropped it like it was molten.


	31. I'm not as think as you drunk I am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sherlock passes out and John freaks the fuck out  
> um  
> Mary is really fun to write BUAHAHAHA i'm a terrible person
> 
> Mycroft is helpfulish not really though
> 
> also snipers

Lestrade texted Mycroft while John paced angrily around the warehouse. 

To: Myc  
From: Me  
John is making me worried is there anything you can do

From: Myc  
To: Me  
I can’t and you know that

To: Myc  
From: Me  
I know but is there something you can give him like a sedative

From: Myc  
To: Me  
We’ll see

To: Myc  
From: Me  
Do it soon I think he’s going smack me with his IV

From: Myc  
To: Me  
Sending someone now

To: Myc  
From: Me  
Do I want to ask

From: Myc  
To: Me  
Sniper with a tranq gun

To: Myc  
From: Me  
Ah. See you at home, love.

From: Myc  
To: Me  
Yes, you too.

Lestrade sighed, of course the Iceman wouldn’t show affection through text. John groaned in exasperation.  
“ Why isn’t Mycroft helping?”  
“ He is.” Lestrade spotted the sniper crawling along the rafters, and he felt his phone buzz.

From: Myc  
To: Me  
That’s not my sniper get out now

“ John, duck now!” Lestrade yelled as the sniper aimed at John and nearly pulled the trigger. John dropped to the floor, his IV ripping out, and the shot ringing through the warehouse. John army crawled along the floor, setting out of the way of the sniper. Lestrade dove behind a heap of boxes and crawled towards John.

Mary wasn’t even close to done tormenting Sherlock. She tied him, wounded back down, to a bed of heated nails. He woke up screaming in agony.

Mary laughed.

She put in earbuds and pulled out something that looked an awful lot like an ancient torture device that produced a very high pitched noise that was calibrated not to make one go deaf, but to torture by sound.

It was.

Sherlock’s chest heaved, he couldn’t hear his own screams. Mary was smiling when everything faded to black oblivion.


	32. The archives on John

John glared at Lestrade around the boxes they were hiding behind. The sniper reloaded his gun and crawled along the rafters, but John and Lestrade were gone.

 

Sherlock regained consciousness a few hours later, having been removed from the bed of nails and moved. He blinked, then blinked again. Everything was white. Sherlock pulled at his arms, to no avail. What..? Oh. Strait jacket. Sherlock looked down. Also completely white. This torture. Excellent. Mycroft and he would experiment with this torment when either of them was bored. He knew exactly how to not be affected by it.

 

John was falling behind Lestrade. The blood loss was really affecting him, then. Dammit. Lestrade turned, and upon seeing John lagging, ducked into an alleyway. John sighed and followed.

 

Sherlock wandered through his mind palace, whistling a cheerful tune John often liked to hum. Redbeard wandered by his side, and Sherlock looped his arm with the mind palace John. He wasn’t quite as lovely or amazing as real John, but Sherlock made do.

 

Lestrade stared at John oddly until John snapped at him to ask what was on his mind.

 

“ Why was there a gunman after us?”

 

“ How IN BLOODY HELL SHOULD I KNOW?” John near shouted, but caught himself somewhat. Lestrade frowned.

 

“ Maybe this was sent by the same person as last time?”

 

“ Moriarty is dead, Magnussen is dead, I don’t know who else you expect to do this.” John sighed. “ I wish I knew who this was because I think it’s Mary.”

 

“ Your _fiance?_ ” Lestrade was incredulous.

“ Hopefully not anymore. I’m calling off the marriage for obvious reasons.” John managed a grim smile, and Greg chuckled.

 

“ Obvious indeed.”

 

Sherlock sighed and started exploring his archives on John. His facial expressions, his moods, his laughter, how he prefered his tea, Sherlock loved all of it.

  
And Sherlock really hoped he would live to hear the laughter again, to make John tea, to just be with him.


	33. Tut, tut.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ayeeee i am somewhat sorry but torturing sherlock is actually one of the most fun things i do and mary is really fun to write

John rubbed at his arm where he yanked out the IV. Greg was leaned against the alley wall across from him, watching the roof line. They hadn’t seen the sniper for a while, luckily, but John and Greg both were a bit shaken up from the experience.

 

To: Myc

From: Me

Mycroft, who’s sniper was that?

 

From: Myc

To: Me

Not sure. We captured him, you can leave the alley now.

 

Lestrade sighed a bit and lead John out of the alley and started walking in the general direction of scotland yard. John followed slowly, his limp had returned. Fucking blood loss.

 

Sherlock actually felt the colour seeping out of his mind palace. He had been locked in this stupid white room for longer than he ever had been, and colour was starting to be an illusion. During one of the less watched days, he managed to loosen the strait jacket until he could easily slip out at a moment’s notice.

“ Hello, Sherlock. How do you find our lovely establishment?” Mary sounded incredibly cheerful, and Sherlock cracked open an eye to stare at her.

 

“ Quite lovely. Could use a bit of redecorating, though.” Mary frowned.

 

“ Tut, tut. Would have thought you were more affected by this. Oh well, I do have a-” Sherlock lunged out of his jacket, hands out to strangle the woman who took his John, only to be stopped by one of her henchmen tazing him. The ass. One of the most known rules of fighting was never taze Sherlock. Sherlock turned, ripping the taser wires out and throwing them at Mary. She jumped and screamed slightly. Sherlock continued his path, feeling the electricity messing his muscles up slightly, but he managed to get his hands around Mary’s neck before he fell.

 

John stumbled into the building, collapsing onto the nearest bench in Scotland Yard. Greg turned, but decided to leave John where he was while he filed a report.

 

To: Mary

From: Me

What have you done

 

From: Mary

To: Me

Oh, nothing much. Your _boyfriend_ tried to strangle me, as ya’ do.

 

To: Mary

From: Me

You should be glad I didn’t, you miserable son of a bitch.

 

From: Mary

To: Me

Oh, poor John. Like you could lay a hand on me.

  
John growled angrily. How dare she? How dare she taunt him with his Sherlock? She was going to die when he got his hands on her.


	34. Strappado

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i am the devil also my friend Nocacon, who you may know as EBCM, helped a lot with this chapter. she is the queen of figuring out how to torture Sherlock(my poor baby) BUT it is great fun so i can't say i have any complaints
> 
> -BCM

Sherlock snapped back into consciousness, incredibly annoyed and trying to figure out what was happening this time. He didn’t seem to be in any excess pain, his back was still incredibly infected, likely with pieces of broken glass and rope stuck in it. The ligh ts were dimmed, and Sherlock sighed gratefully. Mary came storming in a few seconds later, turning on the harsh lights and blinding Sherlock. 

“ You have caused me endless trouble, Mr. Holmes. Do you know what I plan to do to you?” She glared and slapped him when he didn’t answer. “ I said, do you know what I plan to do with you?” Sherlock lay resolutely, briefly filing away the fact he was in fact laying down. Mary hissed in anger and slapped him again, clawing at his face with her newly sharpened nails. Sherlock didn’t flinch, but he could feel the sting and already forming welts. He was minorly surprised, though, when he felt a warm trickle leak out of one of the wounds. Blood? Fan-fucking-tastic. He already had lost plenty of blood from the wounds on his back, so the loss of even a bit of the precious liquid could be the difference between success and death. 

John stormed into Lestrade’s office, nearly foaming at the mouth in anger. He nearly threw his phone at Greg, instead almost smashing it again on the desk.

“ What the Hell do you plan on doing to save Sherlock?” Greg was suddenly very grateful for the large and very heavy desk between him and John Watson.

“ I contacted Mycroft, he’s doing all he can.”

“ THAT’S NOT FUCKING ENOUGH, GREG!” John exploded. Greg shifted back in his chair slightly. “ MY SHERLOCK, THE ONE WHOM I LOVE, TRULY LOVE, IS BEING HELD CAPTIVE BY AN INSANE WOMAN WHO HAPPENS TO BE MY FIANCE! SO NO, YOUR BEST IS NOT ENOUGH!” John Watson, of the fifth Northumberland Fusiliers, was beyond upset by now. The blood loss, his inability to help, was nearly sending him over the edge anyways, so this bullshit from Greg was just the final straw.

Mary huffed when she saw Sherlock wasn’t going to respond to her. She rolled her eyes and sauntered out, waving a pair of her cronies in to do whatever she had planned. The men smirked and retrieved various roped to apparently tie Sherlock’s wrists and… Ah. Strappado. The ‘reverse hanging’, or the act of publicly tying someone up by their wrists and hanging them as such. The question most prominent in Sherlock’s mind, though, was if they were to do it traditionally, where they would string up Sherlock. They men tied a blindfold over Sherlock’s eyes, fairly tightly, they obviously weren’t concerned about his utmost well being. They also shoved something in his ear, which did send Sherlock squirming away, taping it in so it wouldn’t fall out. Sherlock was dragged to his feet and tugged along what seemed to be a hallway. He was barefoot, though Sherlock couldn’t place when that happened.

Lestrade ended up sneakily texting Mycroft while John paced and shouted in his office.

To: Myc  
From: Me  
Can we try again with the sedative? 

To: Myc  
From: Me  
He’s screaming that nothing is enough until we get his Sherlock back….

From: Myc  
To: Me  
I redirected the earlier sedater in your direction five minutes ago. There is no sniper within the vicinity whom is not mine.

To: Myc  
From: Me  
Thanks love.

From: Myc  
To: Me  
Yes dear.

Lestrade slipped the phone back in his pocket to see John glaring at him with immense fury and some regret.

“ Shouldn’t have shouted at you.”  
“ It’s fine, really.” Greg managed a thin lipped smile before a needle was shot into the back of John’s neck.

“ WHAT THE HELL IS THI-” John wavered, pulling the fluffed dart out and staring at it before shooting a bleary glare in Lestrade’s direction. Lestrade hopped to his feet just in time to catch the smaller man. John still looked angry in his sleep, which Greg thought was somewhat funny, but a text from Mycroft informed him there was a car outside for him and John.

Sherlock automatically tried to memorize the route, even if it held no use, mapping it out in his mind palace. They were heading in a mostly... Eastern? Route, Sherlock noted. They reached what seemed to be a lift, and Sherlock was shoved in roughly. The lift went up several floors, by Sherlock’s calculations, and when they reached the top it was considerably cooler than wherever they had been storing Sherlock. Possibly outdoors, considering the slight but insistant breeze. The men loaded him in some form of a car and began driving at a pace Sherlock couldn’t memorize the route at.


	35. John never loved you, never has.

Greg dragged John out to the waiting car with little difficulty. The smaller man didn’t weigh much, and Greg managed to shuffle him into the back seat with only minimal effort. Anthea was waiting and helped settle John into the center seat, and Greg squeezed in next to him. The ride to 221B was uneventful. John snored slightly and began to struggle against the seat belt, apparently having a nightmare. He woke briefly once crying out for Sherlock. Greg managed to comfort him until he fell back asleep.

 

Sherlock was lead out of the car and roughly pulled up a flight of stairs. The men chuckled between each other, one of them pinching Sherlock’s behind. Sherlock jumped slightly and pulled against the restraints on his wrists. The man laughed, an ugly and harsh sound. The stairs ended, sending Sherlock stumbling. The wind was chilled, and Sherlock recognized the smell of the Cardiff river. Were they… no. They wouldn’t. Not over the river. One of the henchmen tugged on the rope, leading Sherlock closer to the edge of what seemed to be a roof.  The rope tugged slightly, not enough to drag Sherlock anywhere but enough to notify him that something was going to happen, just before a rough shove sent him barreling over the edge of the building and dangling over the river. Sherlock screamed as he felt his arms wrench out of his sockets. He was stuck hanging over the edge for a while until the second torture started. Mary’s voice filled his ear through what he assumed was an earpiece that was stuck in earlier.

 

“ John never cared. He’s not looking for his beloved Sherlock. He’s not looking for you. You never mattered.” Then it was John’s voice. 

 

“ Get out of my sight, Sherlock Holmes.” Sherlock flinched away from the voice. Then Mary was back, saying the same things over and over.

 

This was the worst torture by far. John, his John, saying that it didn’t matter, Sherlock was nothing, he didn’t care…

 

John woke from his nightmare in bed. How the hell did he get here? The last thing he remembered was Lestrade’s office. Oh. Mycroft. Dammit. John stretched, noting that it didn’t feel like he got any rest. He could slightly recall snippets of the cab ride, Anthea and Lestrade trying to get him to stop freaking out. The nightmares… they weren’t his normal PTSD dreams, they were Sherlock… Oh, god. 

 

Sherlock felt his mind going numb and painful as Mary’s taunts got behind his defenses and he began believing them. John never cared, did he? Was he even looking for him? Sherlock started to doubt his overwhelming faith in John. The audio bit of John telling Sherlock to get out of his sight was only worsening him.

 

Why had he ever trusted in John?

 

Why had he thought he would be okay?

 

Why had he ever thought John cared about him?

 

John never cared.

John never thought he was worth anything besides a parlor trick.

 

John wasn’t his John anymore, he was someone else.

 

John was turning into Mycroft.

 

The villain of the story.

 

John was the villain.

 

Hadn’t he always been?

 

Sherlock shivered, feeling tears leak out of his eyes and soak into the blindfold. He could feel the cool spray from the river below him on his feet. It was the only touch of reality he could actually distract himself with. John… wasn’t a villain… John was his… John never cared. Sherlock was full on sobbing. How dare Mary do this to him. How dare she make the only person he  _ cared  _ about the bad guy. She was going to die for this.

 

Sherlock was sure of it.

 

If he got out of this.

 

John shuffled out of the bed he was in to find Greg on the sofa, texting someone. He glanced up.

 

“ Oh, you’re awake.”

 

“ Can we go back to Cardiff to look for Sherlock?” John was still a little sleepy, but Sherlock was the only thing on his mind. Lestrade sighed, but agreed. He resumed texting, and a few moments later glanced back down.

 

“ We have a car waiting.” John nodded, he had his shoes on and was waiting by the door with… Sherlock’s coat on. Greg smiled softly. John really was lost without his other half. 

 

The car was quiet the entire ride there, Greg texting Mycroft and John staring at the river. They were passing the warehouse where the originally looked when something caught his eye.

 

“ Stop for a sec.” The car obediently pulled over, and John clambered out to go look. Something was hanging over the river from the roof. It looked like a large sack from first glance, but when John looked closer it was a person. Hanging by their wrists. “ Greg! Greg, get over here!” John was running to the warehouse and heard someone, Lestrade, begin following him.  John bounded up a flight of stairs to the roof, slowing to a walk to where the rope was tied.

 

“ John, who is…” John turned, ashen faced, and Greg’s eyes widened. “ Is it Sherlock?” John nodded and turned back to the rope.

 

“ Sherlock, baby, I’m here. We’re here. You’re going to be okay. Greg, get over here and help me with this rope!” Greg walked over to where John was standing and they started heaving it up, John cringing at the pained sounds coming from the edge of the roof. They managed to get Sherlock over the edge, and suddenly John was clutching Sherlock close and sobbing. Sherlock was gasping, and John reached up with a shaking hand to lift Sherlock’s blindfold. Sherlock blinked and winced at the light, and John was so astounded and hurt that someone hurt his Sherlock like this. John looked at Sherlock’s hands, wincing at the dislocated shoulders and gently setting them. Sherlock screamed slightly, and John winced.

 

“ John…” Sherlock’s voice was croaky. John stopped and sat in front of him. He was slightly concerned when Sherlock didn’t meet his eyes.

 

“ I’m here. I’m finally here.” John whispered, not caring about his tears.

 

“ I…. I… You do love me, right?” Of all the questions, John was not expecting that.

 

“ Sherlock, what on earth made you think I didn’t?”

 

“ Mary. Sherlock responded simple, pulling off a wad of tape over his ear and pulling out what seemed to be an earbud. Sherlock winced as he moved his arms, and John was quick to take the earbud so Sherlock didn’t have to move his arms any more than he had to. He placed the earbud close to his ear, and his eyes widened.

 

It was Mary’s voice, saying John didn’t love Sherlock, never did, and so forth. John stared at the ear piece in shock. Greg coughed.

 

“ Sorry to interupt, but Sherlock, you need to go to the hospital. Now.” Greg was eyeing Sherlock’s back warily, and John finally looked.

 

Blood was soaking through the thin cloth, but it was a dark and ugly shade of brown red. Yellow fluids dripped alongside, and John gasped. That was a hell of an infection.

 

“ Did Mary do this?” Sherlock nodded, still not looking John in the eye. John figured that was usual, considering the amount of mental and physical torment Sherlock just went through. Greg and John helped Sherlock up, supporting him on either side before leading him down the stairs and to the car. Sherlock winced as he sat, causing concerned glances from both John and Lestrade. Sherlock shook his head and remained silent the entire ride to A&E, only clutching John’s hand with all his might. John didn’t let go.

 

They got to the hospital within a few minutes, Lestrade having already told Mycroft about finding Sherlock. They were bustled into a smallish room, Sherlock not letting go of John’s hand. Someone cut Sherlock’s shirt off very carefully, making sure not to jostle his arms. John flinched at the sight of Sherlock’s back. Swollen and bloodied burn scars, half healed, pus sluggishly draining from one of the largest wounds. But what disturbed John the most was the fact the scars were in the form of Mary’s signature. It was burned in cursive, ending in a flourish. Small bits of glass and fragments of rope could be seen if you examined closely. 

 

Mycroft entered the room silently, and froze when he saw Sherlock’s back. He paled and turned his head away from the gruesome sight. Lestrade looked up and saw him, walking around the hospital bench to hug Mycroft against his chest. Mycroft shuddered.

  
He was going to find Mary Morstan and  _ kill  _ her for what she did to his little brother.


	36. He only trusts John Watson

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO I STARTED POSTING THE ANGST AS A SEPARATE FIC BECAUSE IT MAKES A REALLY GOOD STANDALONE
> 
> ahhahaha i updated yesterday right

Sherlock was lying facedown on a steel table, having the chunks of glass ripped out by none other than his John Watson. Other doctors had tried to get the glass out, but Sherlock would start twitching and eventually leap off the table and curl up in the corner after a few minutes until John tried. Sherlock stayed absolutely still the entire time while John was working, leaving most of the other doctors confused and Mycroft in stunned silence. 

The only one Sherlock trusted.

John Watson.

After John got everything out of Sherlock’s back and cleaned it, to help get rid of the infection, Sherlock had fallen asleep. He was beautiful, but he wasn’t restful. John sat next to Sherlock’s bed, reading a book and holding Sherlock’s hand. Sherlock jolted awake at some point, eyes blown wide and terrified, staring around the room in horror until his eyes rested on John and his hands. Sherlock looked up, but he still couldn’t meet John’s eyes.

John was slightly sad about that, but he ran his thumb over Sherlock’s knuckles soothingly. Sherlock shuddered and lay back down, slipping back into his unrestful sleep within a few moments. John smiled sadly at his beautiful lover.

Mycroft knocked hesitantly. He had cameras, so he knew that it wasn’t a terrible time to interrupt. He opened the door and stepped in, blinking at John. John tilted his head in question, not letting go of Sherlock’s hand.

“ I figured I should get to know you better if you are the only person Sherlock truly rust at this time.”

“ You figured? Mycroft, you know me pretty well, considering the level of cameras Sherlock found in my room when I asked.” Mycroft sighed.

“ You know what I mean.”

“ No, I really don’t.” John turned down to look at his hand when Sherlock tightened his grip. He glanced back up at Mycroft, his no-nonsense-Watson face on. Mycroft rubbed his forehead in annoyance. 

“ My brother… Likes very few people. You are one of them. Considering this fact, I do wish to make sure you know that if you hurt him in any way, physically or mentally, there will be repercussions from me. Am I clear?”

“ What I’m not clear on is why you think it necessary to tell me this, Mycroft. I love Sherlock, more than you may think. Remember after the funeral, when I sat there for a few hours? Oh, shush, I know you were spying on me. Yeah, that was the first time I contemplated killing myself and joining Sherlock. Do you think I would hurt him?” John’s voice was growing softer and seemingly more and more pissed off. Mycroft stepped back.

“ You do realise that if you tried to kill yourself someone would have stopped you and informed you Sherlock was still alive.” John tilted his head and smiled grimly, making sure Mycroft knew that he should leave now. So he did.

Sherlock stirred slightly, pulling John’s hand closer. John smiled and resumed reading his book.


	37. You can't be in there, sir.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HAHAHA lookit more angst JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS GOING TO BE FLUFFY AND NICE

John glanced up from his book to the nurse entering the room. She looked fairly apologetic, and John frowned, suddenly concerned something was wrong with Sherlock.

 

“ Is there something you need?” She hesitated slightly.

 

“ Sir, we can’t let you stay in here with the patient.”

 

Mycroft was furious when he heard the hospital had kicked John out of Sherlock’s room. Didn’t the idiots realise John was crucial for Sherlock’s recovery? He stormed into the sterile building, marching past the doctors who tried to detain him. Mycroft stopped, though, when he saw a pair of nurses trying to hold none other than John watson from having a go at one of the doctors, who was trying desperately to explain that he just  _ couldn’t  _ be in there with Sherlock. 

 

“ What the bloody  _ hell  _ do you think you’re doing?!” The doctor froze turning to look at him.

 

“ He can’t be in there for sanitary reasons!” Mycroft turned an unusual shade of mauve and stepped forward just one more step. 

 

“ If you think that John Watson is a sanitary threat, than you are sorely mistaken.” Mycroft hissed in a dangerously quiet voice. The iceman was never one to show emotion, but this was stressful enough to melt even the coldest walls he put up.

 

“ I- Sir- But-” Mycroft tilted his head,  before smacking the poor man as hard as he could. The doctor stumbled back, and Mycroft turned to the nurses.

 

“ I recommend you let Dr. Watson back into this hospital room before I have you fired and illegible for any other jobs aside from janitor.”  The nurses released John, one of them staring at Mycroft with contempt.

 

“ Who exactly are you, if I may ask?”

 

“ Mycroft Holmes. I run the british government.” The girl paled slightly, but did not back down.

 

“ May I see your credentials?” Mycroft sighed in annoyance, pulling out his wallet and proceeding to withdraw a fair stack of cards. He hands them to her, smiling at her wide eyes and shocked expression.

 

“ Is that enough  _ credentials _ for you? I have plenty more if you wish.” The girl shakily handed the stack back to him before backing down the hall. John turned to watch her for a second before turning back to Mycroft.

 

“ That was… Something.” Mycroft smirked slightly and tilted his head. John nodded and stepped forward to open Sherlock’s door.

 

It was empty- Sherlock was gone.


	38. CONTEST

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We hid a line from a different chapter in here, if you find it, please comment the line, and what chapter it's from. If you are the first to do this, you will win either a chance to have you or someone else appear as an OC in the background, or to have an influence on what happens in the next chapter.
> 
> The game is on.

Sherlock stumbled, blinded by tears and hampered by the bandaging on his back. John had deserted him. Sherlock had woken up a few minutes after the doctors had made John leave the room, and upon finding himself alone, had panicked. Where was John? Was he okay? Why wasn’t he here? Didn’t he know that Sherlock couldn’t stay there without him?  Sherlock waited a few minutes, but when John didn’t come back, he had up and left.

 

John was freaking out. He searched the entire hospital on foot, refusing Mycroft’s help, then proceeded to pace Sherlock’s room until Mycroft slapped him. John stared at him for a minute before dropping onto the hospital bed. He pulled his knees up to his face and rocked back and forth.

 

Sherlock briefly considered going back to 221B, but decided against it. Mary’s words, although meaningless, were still haunting Sherlock. John didn’t care… Never did… How dare she do this to him. How dare she ruin John Watson for him. The neighbors averted their eyes from the skin blobs flapping in the wind like graceful sails as he ran. Sherlock stumbled into a narrow alley, holding his side and groaning.

 

Mycroft didn’t know what to do when John started making a high pitched noise resembling a scream. He patted John awkwardly. John flinched away, the shriek increasing in volume, much to Mycroft’s chargian. One of the doctors glanced into the room, pausing at the sight of two men, one rocking back and forth and screaming, the other trying to comfort him 

 

“ Do you boys need anything?” Mycroft glanced at him.

 

“ Yes. We need a medium syringe of  clonazepam and a black coffee.” The doctor nodded, frowning a bit.

 

Sherlock slid down the wall, wincing at the movement against his back. He couldn’t go to the flat, Mycroft wouldn’t be any help what so ever, but maybe Lestrade…

 

The doctor returned with the syringe and the mug of coffee, handing them both to Mycroft. Mycroft sipped the coffee, grimacing at the flavor, before turning and stabbing John in the neck with the syringe. John squeaked and froze.


	39. Sherlock... John?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BUAHAHAHAHA

 Sherlock knocked on the door hesitantly, hoping against hope Lestrade hadn't invited people over for tea, as he was known to do. It would have been a bit difficult to explain to John himself why he ran from the hospital, but he was annoyingly sure Mycroft understood  _perfectly._ The arse.

 

Lestrade opened the door, freezing in surprise at the incredibly guilty looking Sherlock on his stoop muttering to himself.

 

" Sherlock? Bloody hell, aren't you supposed to be in the hospital?"

 

" I.." Sherlock coughed, startled by how hoarse and unused his voice was. He settled on nodding pitifully.

 

" Where's John?" Sherlock shook his head, and Lestrade sighed, but opened the door wider. " Well, come in then. Nothing much I can do for you, bleeding idiot." 

 

/////////////////

 

John woke up in a hospital bed of his own,stuck to an IV and suitably annoyed at Mycroft, but the panic attack had passed. Andrea was sat next to the bed, playing with her phone and not really paying attention to him.

 

" Morning, Dr. Watson."

 

" How long."

 

" Pardon?"

 

" How. Long. Has. Sherlock. Been missing?" John growled through his teeth, feeling Captain Watson start to emerge.

 

" A few days, but we have tabs on his location. He's being cared for."

 

" I need to see him."

 

" I'm sorry Dr. Watson. You can't."

 

" Why not?" John felt his hand twitch against the sheets.

 

" Direct orders from-"

 

" The queen, I'm sure."

 

" Mycroft."

 

" The queen. " John smiled grimly, reliving the brief memory of him and Sherlock in Buckingham Palace. He still had the ashtray. Angela rolled her eyes, but nodded. 

 

" Why am I not allowed to see my Sherlock?" John didn't even notice the possessive tone to the statement until Angela raised an eyebrow. 

 

" Until he stops screaming for it Mary to 'end him already'." John paled.

 

" He... What? Why did that happen?"

 

" Apparently the person he sought refuge with said something. And then his ongoing mental breakdown happened."

 

" I need to see him. I don't care what Miss Mycroft says." Angela had the faintest hint of a smile.

 

" He said you might say that."


	40. Thankful reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO  
> HERE'S WHATS GONNA HAPPEN
> 
> I'm going to stop updating here after this special fluffy end chapter. I will continue the angst for as long as I possibly can on GOOMSSH. That's going to be awesome. Regular updates will most likely resume on GOOMSSH, possibly here(but not this specific angst), depends if I make WBH work.
> 
> Lazy arse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEEEEEEEY WBH IS SICK SEND HIM ALL YOUR FONDEST REGARDS AND GET THE FUCK BETTERS SO HE DOESN'T UP AND DIE ON US WOOP WOOP WHO HERE ABSOLUTELY LOVES 'WELCOME HOME' BY WBH ITS AMAZING IF YOU HAVENT READ IT GO READ IT IMMA PUT A LINK IN THE END NOTES

Sherlock retreated into the very deepest realms of his mind palace. It was quiet, safe. Redbeard was asleep on his lap, a scented candle was burning, John was sitting next to him reading. 

 

It wasn't real John, of course, John didn't like him, never had, he had mourned and moved on, why did he do that? John was supposed to be there forever...

 

To all outward appearances, Sherlock was shaking violently and sobbing. Lestrade was trying to make it stop, but Sherlock reacted terribly to physical touch and wouldn't eat or drink anything Lestrade tried to feed him. At some point Sherlock had calmed down from his wailing, and Greg could hear him murmuring 'John' over and over. Lestrade reached out to touch Sherlock's shoulder gently, and Sherlock nearly vaulted backwards and resumed screaming.

 

Mycroft was sitting on Lestrade's couch, sipping a cup of tea when Greg left the guest room Sherlock was in.

 

" I don't care ho you got in as long as other, normal, people can't get in the same way." Greg sighed as he collapsed in the armchair across from Myc.

 

" Don't worry. No-one but me or Sherlock when he's in the proper frame of mine can get in." Greg nodded and closed his eyes.

 

" He wants to see John, I think. Keeps saying his name."

 

" I know. Told Anthea to tell John he wasn't allowed to see him."

 

" How the bloody hell with that help?" Lestrade asked incredulously.

 

" Make the stubborn fool more likely to escape the hospital and come here, once he figures it out. What _did_  you say to get my brother in such a state?"

 

" Asked him why John wasn't with him."

 

" And?"

 

" And he sortof froze, got that weird glazed look in his eye, backed into a corner and started crying. The screams started later." Mycroft shook his head, sipping his cup of tea. Why hadn't Greg realised that Sherlock didn't work like that? Dull idiot. 

 

" He has some PTSD from the experiences with Mary. Apparently John is one of his triggers." Greg cringed, that would be a hellish adventure for Sherlock.

 

/////////////////////

 

" He said what?" John tilted his head threateningly, voice eerily soft and flat. Anthea blinked.

 

" Said you'd be simply furious about the very simple fact you can't see Sherlock."

 

" And why do you think that is?" Anthea turned back to her phone and smirked.

 

" Honestly, we were placing bets on which one of you would figure out they loved the other first. Sherlock, obviously. I won." John sat up, trying to asses what the easiest escape route would be. He was in fair physical condition, he could probably leap out of bed and run for it. He wasn't hooked up to anything, doubted Anthea could stop him(she wasn't armed), and his shoes hadn't been removed. Must not've been out long, then. John shifted almost imperceptibly, Anthea didn't appear to notice.

 

She did, of course, but John didn't need to know that.

 

John was running down the hall, avoiding the oddly few amount of doctors, but honestly, it was Mycroft. Who knew those days. The doctors didn't cast him a second glance, and John flew out the exit doors. Sunshine, uncommon occurrence in England. How long  _had_ he been out? 

 

He didn't care, really.

 

Sherlock was in trouble.

 

John pulled out his phone and searched through his contacts. Greg would likely know what was happening, right? Right. 

 

Keep believing that, John.

 

//////////////////////

 

Mycroft glanced up from his tea to stare at Greg.

 

" You'll be getting a text from John in less than a minute." Greg raised an eyebrow inquisitively, but true to Mycroft's word, John texted him. " Answer it honestly."

 

" Bloody git."

 

To: Me

From: John

 Any idea where Sherlock is?

 

 

To: John

From: Me

 He's here, but he's absolutely freaking out. 

 

To: Me

From: John

 Send me the address. Now.

 

Greg sighed, but texted John his address. Mycroft winced when Greg slapped his phone onto the table next to his chair.

 

" You have questions, I presume?"

 

" Presume, my ass. Yeah, I've got questions. What the buggering  _hell_ is happening? Why is this happening? What part have you got to play in it? And finally, what part has Sherlock got in it? And before you go off, yes, I know he was kidnapped. Shot at, remember?" Mycroft sipped his tea in a brief second to collect his thoughts.

 

" The woman you know as Mary Morstan managed to hack M15, find a way to use my cameras, and was stalking my little brother. As far as we can tell, she was working for Moriarty and double crossed him. I don't know why this is happening. The national safety is at stake if we let her go free, and we think it was Sherlock tp get to the government. Greg..."

 

" Don't start." Greg closed his eyes and put his head in his hands.

 

" John should be here about-" The door was violently slammed against the wall by a very, very angry John Watson.

 

" Where's Sherlock."

 

" Guest room.." Greg pointed off to the left. John stomped, stopping only to pick up Lestrade's tea and throw it at Mycroft. Mycroft spluttered angrily, much to Greg's amusement. John dropped the mug back onto the table before resuming his march towards the whimpering coming from the guest room. 

 

///////////////

 

" Sherlock..." Sherlock could barely hear John, real, actual, John, saying his name. When had John...? Oh well. Sherlock couldn't function past the alarms blaring in his head. When had this started? Felt like an eternity and nothing all at once. Damn brain. The halls of his mind palace were warping... Mind John screamed, vanishing like he expected real John to. " Sherlock, love, I'm here! I'm here, Sherlock, I'm not going to leave." How had John known what Sherlock was thinking? He hadn't said it out loud, had he? Oh. He did. That solves that question.

 

When had john started hugging him?

 

When had he started hugging back?

 

////////////////

 

John hated himself for being happy about Sherlock hugging him instead of screaming and flinching away. John tightened his grip around the shivering form of his friend, hoping this would all pull through, Sherlock would be okay, he would be okay.

 

John didn't think of his own sanity, just hoped Sherlock would be okay.

 

Greg glanced in, smiling slightly at the picture of Sherlock almost completely wrapped around John and in his lap. They were really a cute couple. Greg turned to see Mycroft, looking slightly irritated at the tea, watching the pair over Greg's shoulder.

 

" Honestly, I'm surprised it took them this long to see what was right in front of them."

 

" Says the man who didn't notice my flirting until I kissed you." Mycroft turned a delicate shade of pink, turning to hide his face. 

 

" I wasn't looking for it, you're too cute for me." He mumbled.

 

" Aw, Myc." Greg kissed the side of Mycroft's face he could get to, making the pink turn darker.

 

" We should leave my brother and his partner alone." Greg nodded.

 

///////////////

 

John watched the little interaction from his spot underneath Sherlock, pressing soft kisses to the edge of his cheekbone. They would be alright. 

 

Mary wouldn't be coming back, and if she was, John would shoot her himself.

 

No-one took his Sherlock and broke him unless they wanted to die by John's hand.

 

And Mary seemed to have a death wish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8250199/chapters/18905176  
> ^go read that amazingness
> 
> aye lookit that i wrote a chapter aren't you proud of me
> 
> neither am i
> 
> HEY SO I HAD A QUESTION  
> DID ANY OF YOU WANT ME AND WBH TO DO A Q&A BECAUSE WE CAN DO THAT JUST LIKE LEAVE COMMENTS AND SHIT AND IF WE GET ENOUGH WE'LL DO THAT AS A THING


	41. Smutters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WHELP
> 
> THIS WAS A THING
> 
> IM SO SORRY  
>  it's................................  
>  questionable..........................................  
>  might i mention my hands were bound?

Once upon a time...There was a man named Molly Hooper. And a woman named Gregory Lestrade. The two loved each other very much. Daddy Hard Smut would join in their romps occasionally. Normally, Molly would take the lead, considering he was the biggest of them all. Of course, that was a good thing. Daddy Hard Smut had no idea where his ding dong was supposed to go. Gregory, however, liked to just watch as her two men bamboozled each other for her affections. Molly always won, his above average size making Daddy Hard Smut a whimpering mess at the end. Sometimes, Donovan liked to join as well, his size  making  **_everyone_ ** a whompering mass. Donovan was bigger than everyone combined. When Molly and Donovan were together, they made Daddy Hard Smut very jealous. So Daddy Hard Smut would sneak up behind Donovan and biggldy boom bang him. Boom boom bangity bang through the butt. 


	42. Melon of Troy (Smutters)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *BCM and WBH sigh and walk up to the microphone*
> 
> Listen up everyone, this was not my idea. I have great shame in uploading this. Please...dear god...don't judge me for this. This was entirely Bobcatmama's idea.
> 
> *we bow our heads in shame*
> 
> I beg of you, do not judge me. do not tell anyone about this. I beg you.
> 
> Thank you for your time.
> 
> *BCM and WBH walk off stage*
> 
> JUSHUWHALE WHAT DID YOU DO THE SMOKE MACHINE IS DEAD

MELON OF TROY

  
  


Larkyn ground against the watermelon, trying to get the wonderful friction he wanted so badly. He’s always had a key to Scott’s apartment, so getting in was a breeze. The watermelon was just a lucky surprise. Who would’ve thought his melon kink would be so satisfying? He was so into it, that he didn’t hear the key in the lock as Scott pushed the door to his own flat open. Scott stood in the doorway, completely shocked by the sight of his beautiful boyfriend fucking the watermelon he bought the other day. Larkyn’s eyes were closed, his hips rolling against the outer layer of watermelon. Scott dropped his back, completely star struck. He knew about the fruit kink, it was a bit hard to miss, but _this._ This was what Larkyn must’ve been talking about when he said it was sexy. Larkyn’s movements sped up a little, making the sexiest sounds Scott had ever heard. And then a name slipped.

“Sc-ott.” Scott gasped, alerting Larkyn to his presence. Larkyn’s movements slowed but he didn’t stop. He made eye contact with Scott, looking like a puppy who had just been caught eating from the counter.

 “ He-eey, Ba-Ah!-by.” Larkyn threw his head back and bit his lip, movements speeding up again and becoming more erratic as he let loose.

Scott moved over to his boyfriend, grabbing his hips and making him stop his movements.

“ Did you think you could get off without me?”

Larkyn’s breath hitched as he looked back at Scott, whining. “Please?”

“ No.” Larkyn cried out as his dom slapped his plump ass.

Scott smirked when Larkyn yelped, his hand landing on the other side of his sub’s ass. Larkyn gasped and writhed, how he loved when Scott got into the dom headspace. A smirk spread over Scott’s face as he leaned over Larkyn, pressing him into the melon. The pressure was too much, Larkyn collapsed over the counter panting. Scott smirked wider, reaching into a straw-weaved basket, grabbing an old orange that - in all honesty - he was never going to eat anyway. Larkyn was still recovering, but Scott hadn’t had his release yet. Scott peeled the orange, breaking the skin of the edible part itself, turning Larkyn around and squeezing the juice over his dick. Larkyn groaned, bucking against the watermelon again. Scott latched onto Larkyn’s neck, biting on the soft skin there lightly as he took the orange peel and began stroking Larkyn with it.


	43. More Homework Fanfics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it's fooking adorable jesus mother of fucking sun shitting christ on a boat
> 
> HIIIIIIIII i swear to god we do things we're just busy and school and holiday season and WOW we're swamped buuuuuuuut don't try and stalk us to murder us yet we do have stuff in the works for you beautiful lot and we also have tazers  
> <3 BCM
> 
> ANY-WHO!  
> yep. I, WBH, wrote more johnlock for my homework. SUE ME! BCM seems to like it so here you go!!  
> <3 WBH

The time is 1:00am in Venice, Italy and Sherlock Holmes, a 15 year old “consulting detective” - as he deemed himself many months ago - has just settled into bed for at least a few hours of sleep. He’s about to drift off when a small  _ tick, tick, tick, tick, _ on his window wakes him right back up.  

 

He gets up from his small bed and crosses to the window, opening it and peering out into the city. The lights shining on the water look absolutely beautiful. He’s sure that if his parents had moved into a more open part of the city, it would’ve been simply breathtaking. 

 

Peering over the window sill, he grins. John Watson - a boyhood friend - is standing on his own little boat, throwing pebbles up at the window. 

 

“Sherlock! Come down! I have to show you something.” He whisper-shouts, cupping a hand over his mouth in attempt to be louder. 

 

“John, I can’t come downstairs and you know it. My brother will wake up and you know how very devilish he can be.” Sherlock replies, leaning further out the window. 

 

The small amount of light that’s hitting John’s face makes him look even more handsome than he already is. It makes his eyes sparkle in a way Sherlock wouldn’t have thought possible. 

 

“Just jump. I’ll catch you.” John replies. He seems overly excited about something. 

 

“You expect to catch me? In a boat? You’re barely balanced yourself!” Sherlock complains. 

 

“Please, Sherlock?” John whines. 

 

What Sherlock doesn’t know is that John has been planning this for weeks. Getting everything prepared. He’ll row them out to the centre of town, where they’ll grab a bite to eat at Sherlock’s favourite restaurant - Bistrot De Venise. After that, they’re going to the first place they met - The Grand Canal - where they’ll watch the fireworks John arranged. 

 

John remembers the night they met well. It was two years ago exactly. The lights were shining beautifully in all sorts of colours against the water. Twas the night John fell in love with Sherlock. 

 

“Fine. But if you drop me I swear to God I’ll make sure Mycroft pulls some strings with your wrestling partner at school.” Sherlock huffs and swings his leg out with window. 

 

Then comes the next. Now he’s sitting on the window sill, just barely keeping his grip. “Ready?”

 

“Ready.” John assures, arms held out wide. 

 

Sherlock takes a deep breath and pushes himself off the ledge. The cold night air whips against his face. No...no, that’s not air. Is that water? Sherlock sucks in a breath, only to find that he is - in fact - gulping down water. 

 

Strong arms pull him into the boat and John drapes his jacket around the shivering Sherlock’s shoulders. “Y-you said you could catch me.” Sherlock laughs, smiling up at John as he pulls the shorter’s jacket around himself. 

 

“I did. You slipped.” John replies and starts rowing them towards the restaurant. 

 

/////

 

Hours later, Sherlock and John are sitting on a bench overlooking the Canal. John’s arm is wrapped tightly around Sherlock’s shoulders as the bed-headed, still rather damp, beauty rests his head on John’s own. 

 

“Sherlock?” John presses his lips to his friend’s temple. “I need to tell you something.” 

 

Sherlock’s hair shifts as his head does, his kaleidoscopic eyes shimmering in the moonlight. “Hm?” 

 

“Well, I’ve known you a long time now and, since the day I met you...well…” John’s voice gets quieter as he rambles on. 

 

“John?” Sherlock sits up, lifting his head to stare into John’s eyes. “What’re you talking about?”

 

“Sherlock...I love you.” John mutters, a small, shy, smile crossing over his face as he pulls out a promise ring. 

 

Though the light is dim, John can see the bewildered smile on Sherlock’s face. His eyes are wide and the tips of his ears are red from blush. 

 

“John?” Then he sees the ring. Sherlock’s heart begins to beat faster as his mind races through all of the possibilities. “John, no! No! We’re fifteen! We can’t-” John clamps his hand over Sherlock’s mouth before he can continue. 

 

“It’s a promise ring. Wanted to know if you would be my boyfriend.” John explains, his smile growing wider. “Will you?” 

 

Sherlock nods slowly and smiles wider, hugging John. the water in front of them murmurs quietly, sending a wave of peace through Sherlock and his boyfriend. 

 

John pulls away from the hug, smiling at Sherlock as he slides the ring onto his slender finger. The two connect their lips in a gentle kiss just as the fireworks start to go off. The perfect end to a perfect night. 

 


	44. DAMMIT SHERLOCK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> back into the swing of things with another stupid dialouge chapter

 Sherkolc did you sell scott

 

 

 

 

What? No, of course not...   


 

 

 

 

Uh-huh. Liar.   


 

 

 

I'm not lying...entirely   


 

 

 

 

Did you have _ms. Hudson_ sell my dog?   


Cat?

Demon child?

 

 

 

 

No! I traded him. For nicotine patches.   


 

 

 

 

FOR FUCKS SAKE SHERLOCK   


 

YOU COULD HAVE BOUGHT THOSE   


 

THAT WAS MY PET   


 

 

 

 

 

 

You didn't need him!   


 

 

 

 

 

I BLOODY DID   


 

HE WAS A SERVICE FYCKING PET   


 

PTSD YOU FUCKSOCK   


 

And no, you can't take his place as a service animal.

 

 

 

WHY NOT, JOHN?   


WHY NOT

YOU LOVE ME

DONT YOU

 

 

 

 

 

First off- That's off in the bounds of something BDSM and not appropriate in public. Second off- you're not trained as some sort service dog, you're a bloody detective. Third off- NO.   


AND MY AFFECTION FOT YOU HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU BEING A DOG

 

 

 

 

 

 

DAMMIT JOHN JUST GIVE IT A SHOT   


 

 

 

 

 

I AM NOT BRINGING YOU TO A CRIME SCENE IN A HARNESS actually scratch that that might be a good plan   


 YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE MY SERVICE DOG

 

 

 

 

 

BUT JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHN   


 

 

 

BUT NOTHING   


 

 

 

 

JOHN WHY WONT YO LET ME LIVE MY DREAMS   


 

 

 

 

BECAUSE YOU DONT HAVE DREAMS TO LIVE   


 

 

 

 

 

 

YOU DON'T KNOW THAT   


 

 

 

 

I DO SHERLOCK   


 

 

 

 

NO YOU DONT   


 

 

 

I BLOODY DO SHERLOCK   


 

 

 

 

WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME   


 

 

 

 

 

I DO YOU JUST HAVE EVERYTING YOU COULD EVER FUCKIG WANT HERE   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JOHN I THOUGHT YOU REALLY AND TRUELY LOVED ME    


 

 

 

 

 

 

WHINEY BRAT YOU FUCKING KNOW I LOVE YOU BUT YOU SOLD MY BLOODY SERVCE DOG THAT WAS ISSUED TO ME I DIDNT BUY IT    


 

 

 

 

 

 

WELL YOU COULD HAVE TOLD ME THAT BEFORE I TRADED HIM   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I   


 

 

FUCKING   


 

 

DID   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NO YOU DIDNT   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I TOLD YOU THREE TIMES   


 

 

THE DAY AFTER I BROUGHT SCOTT HOME   


 

 

LAST MONDAY   


 

 

YESTERDAY   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JOHN I DONT HEAR YOU SOMETIMES. JUST LAST WEEK I TALKED TO YOU FOR ALMOST AN ENTIRE DAY BEFORE REALISING YOU WERE IN _FRANCE_   


 

 

 

 

 

YOU WERE LISTENING TO ME YOU JUST DELETED IT GO GET MY DOF BACK YOU FUCK TWAT   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YOU CANT EXPECT ME TO KEEP THAT TYPE OF INFORMATION FOREVER   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I FUCKING CAN I OLD YOU YESTERDAY AFTERNOON   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

JOHN DONT LIE TO ME'   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YOU FUCKING SHIT TARD   


 

 

GO GET MY FUCKING DOG   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I DONT KNOW WHERE HE IS JOHN   


 

 

I TOLD YOU   


 

 

 I TRADED HIM   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

YOU   


 

 

ARE   


 

 

A DETECTIVE   


 

 

GO FUCKING GET MY DOG BACK   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FOR ALL I KNOW HE COULD BE IN SADIA ARABIA   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FUCKING   


 

 

DONT CARE   


 

 

GET THAT BLOODY DOG YOU LAZY ARSE   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FINE. But I expect you to have the tea ready by the time i get back   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

FFS   


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

GO ON THEN   



	45. Melon of Troy 2: Bing Translate Awakens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> youre welcome

Larkyn watermelon Show , he strongly opposed the great friction. He had Scott, room key, he the watermelon always pleasantly surprised. As I thought, the Cork melon ? Take and close the window of the Hall, Scott heard the key in the ignition . Scott Gates " , looks shocked recently purchased melons , completed QSO pretty girl. " Distance of a  closed his eyes , hips ,  Laryn melon layer. He fell , Scott achieved a full star rating . Push the eccentric fruits, nostalgia, but he knows . What Laryn sexy talk , he said . Movement is acceleration Larkyn , sensual voice, to hear from Scott. Her name. SC -10 month. "Scott warned Larkyns current gasped . Larkyn slowmotion alone. He is eye contact with Scott, which was recently captured by the adoption of a dog - dinner. " Oh, in the socks. " Throw back your head movement and lip to speed up than Larkyn works sometimes. Move around his waist close to go Scott . Saw Scott's plea, Larkyn , breathing and get " not found me?" . You'll find that the "Unfortunately "  is ? DOM "Nos " background as a thicker rod of the Laryn . You and smiling Larkyn screamed that Scott was on the other side of the hole in the  Sub. Keep him felt very guilty as Director that larkyn aerospace Vendrana Scott bite. Scott leaned melon with a smile on his face, his smile to Laryn . Fell, for respiratory Laryn , to shoot the pressure is too much. Scott reach the wide woven straw baskets, smiled the old orange -honesty -all I ever tasted. Larkyn was no choir " , that Scott has not yet started. " Scott, you open the food, juicer juice  orange peel , Larkyn . Larkyn was nod, moaned again . Encouragement and beheading the lighter , Larkyn , Scott when I Larkyn , skin ,  soft lips , orange peel.


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